And I’ll never have that recipe again


Two bad things happened to me this week.

  1. On my way to the store, I saw an orange blob on the driveway that looked EXACTLY like a very tiny fetus. I made a note to get my camera and take a picture when I returned, but then I accidentally drove over it. SORRY, FETUS!
  2. I ate a plateful of fettucine at 10 AM on Friday and that was pretty much the end of my day.

But then two great things happened to me this week.

Stephanie the Rocket Scientist forked over the Honest Scrap award to me and some other worthy bloggers. Stephanie is my hero, because somehow she manages a full-time job (she IS a rocket scientist, yo), a family (complete with BABY), a prolific writing career, AND two whole blogs, both of which are actually very good and clearly take a lot of work. Please check out Stephanie’s other awesome blog: Ask Me Anything, where, truly, you can ask her ANYthing and she will answer.

So, having accepted this award publicly, I’m s’posed to tell you 10 “honest” things about myself. Is there anything I haven’t already forced upon you? Oh, yes. Yes, there is.

  1. When I was a little kid, I thought I was Zsa Zsa Gabor. I talked like her, and adults encouraged me. I didn’t pretend to be Zsa Zsa Gabor. I literally thought I was her.
  2. I actually used the phrase “I creamed my jeans” not too long ago in reference to hearing the song “Grease” on the radio.
  3. Sometimes I’m afraid to go in our basement because there’s a sleeping bag on the sofa and what if there’s someone IN the sleeping bag?
  4. I once wrote a love song to pork roast titled “All of My Pork.” It was sung to the tune of Led Zeppelin’s “All of My Love, and, yes, I was stoned.
  5. Even tho I’ve showered every day, I still have that damn Band-Aid outline on my knee.
  6. I may be a little bit addicted to Vicodin.
  7. I was originally going to call this blog “The Naked Copyeditor.” Can anyone tell me how many posts I’ve written about copyediting?
  8. Based on watching “Batman” as a kid, I grew up thinking men’s “packages” were, like, all one thing instead of three things. Boy, was I surprised on my wedding night.
  9. I’ve never been into younger men, but I would totally give it up for Robert Pattinson.
  10. I will always choose cake over death.


The other great thing is that I WON a T-shirt from GoingLikeSixty simply for saying, “Cake or death.” Other great entries were “128 or 6″ and “WD-40 or Astroglide.” Check it out here. So now I get to choose my very own T-shirt from TeesForAll.

If anyone wants to help me pick out a shirt, I welcome your suggestions. Check out the site and leave me a comment. I will wear ANYthing.


What is Cake or Death?

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50 Responses to “I Asked “Cake or Death””

  1. 1 Elizabeth


    I will also always choose Cake over Death. I will also choose Eddie Izzard over most comedians. Always.

    I did have an amazing Creme Brulee Cheesecake last night that made me cream my pants. Bahaha. Seriously… I might choose ‘or death’ if there were no option of having that cheesecake again. So effing good.

    Hey how do I get on your blogroll?? bahaha


    Elizabeth’s last blog post..Batting 2,000

  2. 2 Regan

    What exactly IS copyeditting? And who is Zsa Zsa Gabor? I’m to young to know any of this…

    How could you drive over a fetus? Poor, little fetus. It will never grow up to find pictures of itself on the side of the road as a fetus….
    I could actually see the day that little fetus finds itself online ‘Is that fetus-me? I sure looked weird….’

    Mmmmm…. cake.

    Regan’s last blog post..Girl Scout Cookies

  3. 3 ann of thejunkdrawerblogfamily

    Regan, I will begin taking questions now regarding Number 2 and Number 8…..

  4. 4 Stephanie Barr

    Yay, great facts! Some of them remind me of my own facts, like I thought twirling would turn me into Wonder Woman, falling in a pit (where’s a good pit when you need one) would get me changed to the Bionic Woman and INSISTED that my eyes were purple, not brown, for years (I was wrong).

    I’ve only ever been hot for one younger man and I got him so what do you know? I am definitely in the Edward camp, though, and not the Jacob camp (Twilight). I am also afraid of sharks in swimming pools and, occasionally, bathtubs.

    With regards to your free T-shirt, I favor the “I’m Just Like You only smarter and better looking” T–shirt for you or the “If at first you don’t succeed, sky diving definitely isn’t for you.”

    Stephanie Barr’s last blog post..WooHoo-Friday Musical

  5. 5 MamaNeedsaCosmo

    OMG! The comment about the fetus reminded me of the scene in “Private Parts” where Howard Stern referred to his miscarried baby as “Lumpy.”

    And, of course, you and I are soul-sistahs on #6. How is it that they keep giving that stuff to us? :)

    PS: I’m not much into younger dudes, but I have kinda been stalking this guy at the Starbuck’s drive thru. I’m old enough to be his . . . aunt. And there’s only so much coffee one can get at the drive thru before he starts calling me a cougar.

    MamaNeedsaCosmo’s last blog post..Big Ol’ Jed Had a Light On . . .

  6. 6 babs - beetle

    You WHAT your jeans? Hahaha! I’m getting a whole new education here.

    Cake or death?….What type of cake is it?

    babs – beetle’s last blog post..Going back in time. Part 3 – An upward struggle

  7. 7 flit

    You’ve just had a winning week all ’round …congratulations

  8. 8 Venom

    Re: #6
    Yeah, me too. Except codiene. Email me privately, we’ll set up an exchange. ;-

  9. 9 GoingLikeSixty

    You ran over a fetus and just randomly mention it? Life is so simple at your age. Mine too for that matter.
    It all comes down to:
    Which Tee Shirt?

  10. 10 Jaffer

    It’s ok Zsa Zsa, there is a world of difference between “I creamed my jeans” and “I creamed in my jeans”.

    I am hoping it was cookie cream.

    You driving over and orange foetus … :lol:
    Pardonez moi … ‘fetus’

    Jaffer’s last blog post..These guys will take you out to lunch

  11. 11 Daisy the Curly Cat

    I am pretty sure the thing in the road was really just an old shoe. Those end up in the road a lot. I do not know why.

    I would so go for the Charlie Brown zig-zag stripe t-shirt!

    Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Photo Hunters: Stripes

  12. 12 MomZombie

    Copy editors get no respect! Even more depressing is that apparently some people don’t even know what one is! Soon, no one will. Have you read about how some newspaper companies are regionalizing copy desks! I’m thinking your smashed driveway fetus is an analogy for the future of copy editors.
    OK. Back to funny now.

    MomZombie’s last blog post..Assembly Line update

  13. 13 Jen

    #6, isn’t that kinda like being a little bit pregnant?

    I was sure I could fly like Mary Poppins as long as I had an umbrella. Surprisingly I have never broken any bones, except for my nose but that was years later when I opened a car door and forgot to move my face out of the way. I wasn’t even drinking.

    Jen’s last blog post..I Create My Own Stress

  14. 14 C.B.Jones

    So, you’d use a butcher knife to cut a slice of chocolate cake for someone you really hated?

    Would you still do that if someone Boston Cream Pied your jeans?

    C.B.Jones’s last blog post..Top droppers for March / Word of advice

  15. 15 JD

    Regan: Now I feel really guilty about that tiny fetus. Did I mention it was orange? I still don’t know what the heck it was. Copyediting is basically taking someone’s piece of writing and helping to make it better, whether by correcting spelling, grammar, punctuation errors or more in-depth type of changes. See how boring that was? That’s why I never write about it!

    ann of the junkdrawerblogfamily: Sorry and sorry. Oh, boy. Hopefully the whole “fondle” issued helped pave the way.

    Stephanie Barr: I really enjoyed your facts—you came up with some truly honest ones. Mine were a little silly. You’re lucky you got your younger man. Me? I usually go for older men, but I’m getting to the age when older men are really just old men. And that’s no fun.

    MamaNeedsaCosmo: I didn’t see “Private Parts.” This fetus was small and orange and almost looked like a piece of candy. Hey, what’s wrong with being called a cougar? One of these days they’re going to stop giving me my beloved Vikies and then where will I be? Out on the streets, probably.

    babs – beetle: Best not to ask! It was a popular phrase in high school . . . ew, it still grosses me out. As for cake or death, does it matter? Is there any kind of cake you’d choose over death?

    flit: Thanks! I feel pretty good about it. Except for the fetus.

    Venom: I’ll email you to set up an exchange, and I’m not even winking!

    GoingLikeSixty: I’ll get back to you by the end of the weekend with my T-shirt choice. Are there any with fetuses?

    Daisy the Curly Cat: I’m sure you’re right. Old shoes have a way of turning up everywhere. Thanks for the T-shirt suggestion. I like that one!

    Jaffer: Is there a difference, dahlink? I always thought it was pretty much the same thing. But maybe this is another Canadian/vs. US thing. And, yeah: you don’t need that “o” in there.

    MomZombie: No one understand what my job is. “Oh, you fix typos?” Yeah, and quite a bit more, but never mind. It infuriates me that copyediting jobs are being sent to India. There really could be a connection between that poor smashed fetus and the fate of copyeditors, but I’m too high on Vicodin to figure it out.

    Jen: That’s the weird thing about body parts. Sometimes you just forget to move them out of the way. As for #6, yes, I’m pretty sure it is like being a little bit pregnant, but it makes me feel better to say it that way.

  16. 16 Kathy

    Stoned or not, every time I hear that song it shall be All of my Pork. Forever.

    Sorry you crushed the fetus. We would have all liked to have seen it. I think. That reminds me. I once rushed a cat to the vet and when I pulled into the parking lot, I spotted a big glob of something pink. I pulled in next to it, thought ‘I should avoid that’ and a millisecond later, stepped out of my car and right into it. What was it? Watermelon! Who does that? Who dumps their watermelon out in public and drives away? Sorry for the rant. I should keep them over on my blog.

    Congrats on your award! BTW, I don’t know how Stephanie does it either.

    Kathy’s last blog post..So How Many Eggs Were There?

  17. 17 Regan

    The only reason you should feel guilty about the fetus is not taking a picture. I mean, running over it isn’t too good, but pictures are way better. Maybe it was just an orange?

    Maybe you’ll see another one sometime. Because the orange alien fetuses are coming to take over Earth. Beware.

    Regan’s last blog post..Girl Scout Cookies

  18. 18 Grace

    The “Flash Dance T-shirt” – definitely!

    Grace’s last blog post..Weird Thursday

  19. 19 unfinishedrambler

    What do you mean that you were stoned? I thought that’s how you went around — at least half the time, based on what I read here. ;)

    unfinishedrambler’s last blog post..Pianoboy

  20. 20 absepa

    I used to think I could train myself to do magic, like Jeannie. There’s no telling how much time I wasted sitting around in my room with my arms folded, blinking hard, and hoping something would happen.

    I usually prefer older guys, too, but I am TOTALLY with you on Robert Pattinson. And Daniel Radcliffe…but I’m pretty sure I’m old enough to be his mom.

    Since Regan’s comments are so great and funny and well-written, I forget sometimes that she is quite young. I don’t envy Ann having to explain #2. And I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say (or write), “Sorry you crushed the fetus.” There’s a LOT of funny in that Junk Drawer family.

    absepa’s last blog post..I May Owe Someone An Apology

  21. 21 Healthy Diet

    Ha! I will never look at Batman the same way again!

    Healthy Diet’s last blog post..Healthy Diet Plan

  22. 22 Puglette

    i don’t really know what shirt to pick…something with pugs is what i would pick. however, i can tell you that a bit of rubbing alcohol on a cotton ball or q-tip will get that adhesive off your knee.

    and the sleeping bag in the basement? oh gosh, i would make my husband put that away!! i am so glad i don’t have a basement, just the thought of them gives me the willies.

    why the fascination with zsa zsa? was it the hair? the fur stoles? the 8 husbands?

    my husband just reminded me that i “robbed the cradle” when i met him. tonight, at dinner…with his mother. he is 2 whole years younger than me. ;o(

    mmmm… young robert plant

    thank you for the informative post!

    Puglette’s last blog post..Sunny Sunday

  23. 23 JD

    C.B. Jones: I’ve gone over and over this, and I still don’t get it. And I’m not even on Vicodin. But if someone Boston Cream Pie’d in my jeans, I’d be pretty upset.

    Kathy: It’s a really lovely song. Stay tuned: the fetus may not be crushed after all. As for watermelon dumped in a parking lot . . . what the hell kind of hellhole do we live in? And it seems to me that thinking “I should avoid that” is another way of saying, “I will step right in that.”

    Regan: Stay tuned! The story of the fetus is NOT over! If I see another orange fetus? I’m running.

    Grace: Thank you for your excellent suggestion! (What a feeling . . . )

    absepa: I could not agree more about the Junk Drawer Family humor genes. Regan’s comments are among my very favorites. And what better place to learn about fondling and packages than here at I Do Things? (I remembered the other younger guy I have a crush on. It’s Kris Allen, who’s currently on American Idol.)

    unfinishedrambler: Yes? And so?

    Puglette: Thank you for the rubbing alcohol advice. I have tried everything. I have no idea what brought on the Zsa Zsa obsession. I think it was the accent. And my husband is 3 years younger than me. Damn!

  24. 24 Prefers Her Fantasy Life

    With me, it was Charo all the way.

    Prefers Her Fantasy Life’s last blog post..Not Just Your Everday Caption Contest

  25. 25 Argentum Vulgaris

    LOL, men’s packages… all one thing! Haha, I bet you were surprised.

    Cake definitely, chocolate, thick icing, creamy filling…

    I found your link on The Cluttered Bubble, blame her for my presence, not my fault.


    Argentum Vulgaris’s last blog post..Duct Tape Related Items

  26. 26 Angi

    I’m sorry but I barely made it past that cake picture you have at the beginning of your post… ;-)

    Have you seen Cake Wrecks??? (Off topic, sort of, still involves cake…)

    Angi’s last blog post..And the Winner IS…

  27. 27 Florida Girl In Sydney

    Your list is so freaking funny I almost spit fried rice out my nose (yes, it is 10am here– no it’s not fettuccine, but close). I hope one day we do actually get to meet because there is definitely a love match here.

    Florida Girl In Sydney’s last blog post..The Dinner Party

  28. 28 Lola

    Definitely cake. Or death by cake. Lol!

    When you were young did you recite her lines from “Green Acres” – “New York is where I’d rathhher be.” Lol!

    When I was a kid and my sister had this weird cyst at the bottom of her spine, she had surgery and lots of adhesive tape for the guaze bandages my parents would put on the wound. My Dad got liquid ether to remove the excess adhesive. Yes, you read correctly. Ether! I have no idea how he got it, or whether it was common practice back in the 60′s to use ether for that. And no, I don’t know if a prescription was required. Weird huh?

    I already have a hot younger chick, so I’m all good. Anastasia is 5 years younger than I am.

    My pick for the tshirt for you would be: “This is my keg stand tshirt”(written upside down) Lol!

    Lola’s last blog post..CONTEST SPONSORS WANTED

  29. 29 JD

    Elizabeth: (My replies are all out of whack, thanks to Akismet): Send me one creme brulee cheesecake! No, seriously, my blogroll is set for now (I like to keep it fairly short and sweet). But you never know! We sure do have a lot in common!

    Healthy Diet: But I bet you’ll look a little more closely, perhaps?

    Prefers Her Fantasy Life: That was probably a lot more entertaining. I seem to recall just doing the accent. Maybe a fake cigarette holder.

    Argentum Vulgaris: Thanks for stopping by . . . and thanks to Cluttered Bubble, whom I also just met. Ahhh. Cake and men’s packages. Two delicious thoughts to send me to dreamland.

    Angi: Doesn’t that cake look delicious? It tasted like a high-end Ding-Dong. AND it was half-price! Yes! I love Cake Wrecks. Altho some of them are hardly “wrecks” at all.

    Florida Girl In Sydney: I hope it wasn’t dangorous fried rice—that might hurt coming out the nostril. Oh, I’d love to meet you, seriously. And preferably in Sydney. That sounds much more inviting than Skokie.

    Lola: You know, I don’t ever even recall watching “Green Acres.” I don’t know where my Zsa Zsa obsession came from. Kudos to you for snagging a hot young chick. Are you suggesting I use ether on my Band-Aid tattoo? I’ll try anything . . . especially if there’s cake involved. Oh, and thanks for suggesting a T-shirt. I love that one too!

  30. 30 Musing

    A plateful of pasta has the exact same effect on me!

    Musing’s last blog post..If you could tell him one thing

  31. 31 Lola

    I think ether is overkill. I thought it was back then too. Lol!

    Lola’s last blog post..CONTEST SPONSORS WANTED

  32. 32 absepa

    I was doing five things at once when I left my earlier comment, and forgot to suggest a t-shirt. The “save the drama for a llama” one is my favorite.

    absepa’s last blog post..I May Owe Someone An Apology

  33. 33 Jenn Thorson

    I have a “Cake or Death” t-shirt I got when I saw Eddie Izzard in concert this last year.

    Unfortunately, I am thinking I need to lose some weight before wearing it again. Not because it doesn’t fit– but because people look at it not knowing the context and are thinking– “Hm, yes, it looks like she’s been choosing the cake.”

    Still, you HAVE to choose the cake. :)

    I want to read the lyrics to your Pork song. :)

    Jenn Thorson’s last blog post..Bad Comma and Bullets: a Tale of Grammar Noir

  34. 34 Trade Show Guru

    Hi JD,
    Congrats on winning the shirt. I clicked through and it looked like only 5 people voted? Pretty good odds!
    Anyway, I checked out the tee shirt place and I saw some beer shirts, but none for Red Stripe, so I don’t have any recommendations!
    Oh yes, and “cake” for me (not death)…
    ~ Steve, the trade show guru

    Trade Show Guru’s last blog post..Trade Show Zombies, Spammers, and Tadpoles

  35. 35 Stephanie Barr

    I have changed locations, by the way.

    Rocket Scientist is now at
    Ask Me Anything is now at

    Feel free to update your bloglist if you’d like. I’ll be checking back whatever you decide.

    Take care.

    Stephanie Barr’s last blog post..I’m starting over here

  36. 36 Tippy

    I was originally going to suggest you pick one of the ‘Baywatch’ t-shirts (not for any particular reason since it was a stupid show, which mostly means that you should pick it for that very reason)…but then….theeeeennnn, I saw that they have ‘GOONIES’ t-shirts, so you must, must, must pick one of those!!!


    : )

  37. 37 JD

    Musing: And a plateful of pasta at 10 AM has double the effect!

    Lola: Yeah, it does sound a bit extreme. I’ll keep scrubbing with my nail brush!

    absepa: HA! I like that one. And who doesn’t love lamas? I pass a lama farm on my way to my aunt’s cabin in southern Indiana. I bet they would love it!

    Jenn Thorson: I wish I had written down the lyrics. I know they were brilliant. Unfortunately, that was during college. Trust me, it was a most heartfelt song. I’d have the same problem with a Cake or Death T-shirt myself. People would be thinking, “Eh, a little Death probably wouldn’t hurt her.”

    Trade Show Guru: Um, yeah. But I only voted once, I swear! Thanks for checking out the shirts. If there HAD been a Red Stripe T-shirt, I wouldn’t even have had to ask!

    Tippy: Goonies! OK, I will check it out. Thanks for the suggestion. GOONIES!

  38. 38 Baron von Rochester

    Oooooooookay, #8 made me LOL.

    Baron von Rochester’s last blog post..In Which I Bring Disaster

  39. 39 JD

    Stephanie Barr: Thanks for the update. Both sites look great. I’ll be by later . . .

    Baron von Rochester: Admit it. You thought the same thing, didn’t you? Oh, probably not.

  40. 40 Jenny

    Did you ever figure out what the orange fetus looking blob was after you drove over it?

  41. 41 JD

    Jenny: See the following post. We’re trying to figure it out!

  42. 42 Argentum Vulgaris

    I was surprised by a comment and reply left here. I was under the impression that lamas came from Tibet, one at a time, and I find that in Indiana you have a whole farm of them…

    Or I wonder are you both referring to llamas, there is a subtle but distinct difference; one is a woolly spitting cameloid from the Andes, the other prays a lot.

    AV (tongue-in-cheek)

    Argentum Vulgaris’s last blog post..

  43. 43 JD

    Argentum Vulgaris: Oh, no! It really is a farm full of lamas. You can drive by at almost any hour and see them meditating and chanting (?) out in the pasture. (Grrr! I hate being wrong!)

  44. 44 TheSnackHound

    Cake or death…I would definitely take CAKE

    “I once wrote a love song to pork roast titled “All of My Pork.” It was sung to the tune of Led Zeppelin’s “All of My Love, and, yes, I was stoned.”

    Well…thankfully, you never were there during the rendition of the songs my cousinand I penned….such as “step into the poo”, about someone mad about their neighbor’s dog to the tune of Madonna’s “Get Into the Groove”. Or the one that started it all “When That Man was a Woman.” You can pretty much figure out where that one was headed.

    TheSnackHound’s last blog post..LOLFridge

  45. 45 JD

    TheSnackHound: Great, now I’m going to hve “Step Into the Poo” running thru my head all day. Both of those songs sound awesome, and I’m going to have to demand the lyrics, stoned or not.

  46. 46 TheSnackHound


    Here is a taste.

    Get your best Percy sledge on..

    “When that man
    was a woooo-man
    he wore pretty pantyho-ose….”

    TheSnackHound’s last blog post..New Head DIY’er: Andrew Wagner Joins ReadyMade

  47. 47 JD

    TheSnackHound: HA! I love it. ” . . . with a garter belt in dusky rose.” Great one.

  48. 48 Cougar Woman

    I blame you for the fact I just ate three cupcakes! It was the cake pic at the top of this post that did it! Anyway – love your blog. Keep it up.

    Cougar Woman’s last blog post..Celebrity Cougar Sadie Frost Tries Speed Dating

  49. 49 JD

    Cougar Woman: I accept the blame and see your three cupcakes and raise them one entire pie. Thanks for stopping by!

  50. 50 Dessert Recipes Lover

    i would love to see a little kid impersonating zsa zsa gabor or talk just like her or act just like her.


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