I Am Speaking at BlogHer

I'm Speaking at BlogHer '09

By speaking, I mean reading. And by reading, I mean puking.

Who wants to come and watch me puke?

It all started as a harmless joke. Junk Drawer Kathy sent me the link from BlogHer asking for bloggers to submit a favorite post. The chosen posts would be read by their authors at the Community Keynote on Friday, July 24, of the BlogHer Convention. We laughed about how if either of us had to actually stand in front of people and talk, we’d puke, have a panic attack, or die. Or all three. Kathy urged me to submit a post, so, jokingly, I did.

And . . . OH MY ZOD! They picked me! What do I do? I guess I show up and read my damn post. It’ll be terrifying but fun. I’ll have to sleep on rollers for a week and lose 50 pounds in about a month. My mom’s advice: “Buy a nice dress. And not on ebay.” But what if I puke on it? Oh, come on now. I haven’t puked in public in months. It’ll be fine.

Seriously, I’m thrilled to be participating in the company of so many awesome bloggers. There are five categories—Epiphanies, Commentary, Family, Travel, and Humor—and four speakers for each category. Please check out my fellow Humor speakers:

Crap! I just peeked at their blogs. They are all funny.

Read the entire list of keynote speakers here

Are You Going to BlogHer?

Please come watch me puke—I mean, read. The Community Keynote starts at 5:00 on Friday.

Find me! Or tell me how to find you. The first ten people who come up to me and say, “You do things so I don’t have to” will be handed a FREE I Do Things sticker.

How will you know me? Oh, my darlings, have you not been paying attention? I’ll be the one with the big butt, the snarly hair, the huge honker, the scarred foot, the curvy spine, the bulbous goiter, the missing tooth, the mutant tongue. I might be eating bacon. I will not, however, be nude.

Also, I’ll be carrying a tote bag with my Sleeping Cat logo and I’ll be with Kathy, whom you will all recognize by her fabulous hair and and the constant stream of hilarious snark coming out of her mouth. I may also have a giant novelty flower in my hair. I’ll let you know.

Can’t Make It to BlogHer?

I have a fun, play-at-home game for you. The post I’m reading? Is a secret. So . . . you get to guess. GUESS THE POST! That’s it! The first person to guess which post I’ll be reading at BlogHer will WIN an item of their choice from my I Do Things store. Please write the title of the post in your comment. I cannot accept vague descriptions like “That one where you’re naked.” The contest will end at midnight, Thursday the 23d. After BlogHer, I’ll announce the winner.

I’ll also post the video. I’ll be the one puking, and Kathy will be the one holding my hair.

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74 Responses to “I Am Speaking at BlogHer”

  1. 1 Grace

    Congratulations. I’m sure you will do just fine. Just remember to breathe.

    Grace’s last blog post..Did you ever get bored with eating?

  2. 2 Rainsinger

    But I was planning to be the one with the big butt and the Hair Of Doom!

    I’m very excited about BlogHer and looking forward to hearing your piece.

    Rainsinger’s last blog post..The lights are much brighter there, you can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares

  3. 3 absepa

    I. Am. So. Jealous. BlogHer has been sounding unbelievably cool all along, what with getting to meet you and Kathy and all the other great bloggers, but it would be even more awesome to be there for your reading! Can Kathy film it, for those of us who won’t be able to go?

    absepa’s last blog post..We’re Gonna Take a Break and Introduce the Band

  4. 4 babs - beetle

    I know the post that made me laugh out loud – all the way through, and I had to come back and read it again! That’s the one I would have chosen and now I need to go and find it!! I’ll be back :)

    babs – beetle’s last blog post..A thank you, and a rant!

  5. 5 babs - beetle

    Here is the post I choose:

    babs – beetle’s last blog post..A thank you, and a rant!

  6. 6 Barb - WillThink4Wine

    Congratulations. I’m sure’ll be the funniest barfer there. My guess is “I Had a Colonoscopy”. It was funny and also like a PSA. Two for the price of one!

    Barb – WillThink4Wine’s last blog post..tucker scissorhands

  7. 7 Puglette

    congratulations! i wish i could be there to cheer you on, but just know i will be cheering from WA and Ollie will be snorfling and blowing snot in your honor.

    this is a great honor and i am sure you will not puke. so, listen to your mom and buy a nice dress. and some new shoes.

    Puglette’s last blog post..Charlie is Sporty!

  8. 8 Daisy the Curly Cat

    That’s so exciting! And scairty, too. I think you are very brave. I sure wish they would allow cats there so I could go watch.

    Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Harley the Cow Cat

  9. 9 Stephanie

    I’ll try to guess the post later. I’m sure it’s one I put a good comment on.

    In the meantime, don’t puke in public – there’s no need. No matter which post you sent in, I know its hilarious.

    Stephanie’s last blog post..For Aron: First of a trio of questions

  10. 10 Susan

    What about the goiter? That’s what I’d be looking for.

    Need to think more on a guess for the post…

    Susan’s last blog post..Summer Concerts

  11. 11 Yum Yucky

    Can’t wait to witness the puke-fest! I’ll watch via video so I can pause, rewind, slow-mo….ewwww!

    You’ll do great!

    Yum Yucky’s last blog post..Stupid Diet Tip #242

  12. 12 Jeff

    Wow… congratulations. That’s huge!

    I’m really happy for you – and PROUD of you too. You totally deserve this because you totally rock.

    I can’t even try to guess which post they chose because everything you write is so damn funny. But if I had to guess… was it the colonoscopy post? I mean any post that references elephant semen is a winner as far as I’m concerned.

    Jeff’s last blog post..Band on the run

  13. 13 Kathy

    I simply cannot wait to see this! You are going to be awesome and there will be no puking! Everybody’s gonna rush the stage for your autograph. THAT’S what’s going to happen. You’ll see.

    Oh, and I think I may go ahead with my idea for letting people know how they can find me at BlogHer. I called Rent-a-Poodle and they do have one in pink. They said it won’t be hard to spray paint my blog logo on it, but that I have to be careful not to get the dog wet. Is Chicago rainy in the summer?

    (Please, no one take me seriously. Much.)

    Kathy’s last blog post..Walter the Wart

  14. 14 Pricilla

    Congratulations! Just think you can do a post called I swallowed my puke in front of a crowd so you don’t have to.

    Heh heh.

    I will look forward to the video.

    Pricilla’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Michael’s Opinion

  15. 15 Preston

    Are you going to read or puke or whatever it is with the curlers still in your hair? I wish I was going to blogher but I am only a “her” in spirit. Physically, I’m a he. I know you’re shocked. BUT I am going to SITStication in October. Are you a SITS member? Are you planning to go to SITStication?

    Preston’s last blog post..Philly Gay Pride Parade and Festival Went on Without Me

  16. 16 JD

    Grace: Thank you! Oh, yeah. Breathing. I forgot about that. But if you breathe and puke at the same time, can’t you choke?

    Don’t forget to guess the post!

    Rainsinger: Hi, there! I’m looking forward to hearing you as well! I guess there’s room for more than one big-butted blogger. But not very much. Good luck and see you there!

    Don’t forget to guess the post!

    absepa: Oh, poo. I’d love so much if you could come. Maybe next year. I think BlogHer people will be filming the speakers for their site. But I may ask Kathy to film it on my crappy little camera just in case.

    Don’t forget to guess the post!

    babs – beetle: OK, I’ll wait here. . . . Thank you for guessing! Your submission will be locked in a vault until after the BlogHer convention. Oh, you are coming, aren’t you?

    Barb – WillThink4Wine: Thank you for guessing! Ah, yes, the ol’ colonoscopy post. We shall see! As for being a funny barfer, I may have to work on that.

    Puglette: Thank you, Puglette! I wish you could come, too, but I bet I’ll be able to hear you . . . well, I bet I’ll be able to hear Charlie, anyway! Ugh. New shoes, too? OK, if you say so.

    Daisy the Curly Cat: It is a little scairty! That was my first reaction. But now I’m trying to focus on how much fun it’ll be. Maybe you can find a way to sneak in. I could carry you in my totebag, if you like.

    Don’t forget to guess the post!

    Stephanie: You put good comments on ALL of them! And thank you. I’ll do my best not to puke. At least in public.

    Susan: Oops! I first read this as you were guessing the goiter post. THANK YOU for reminding me that I have a goiter. I added it to the list. People! Look for the goiter!

    Yum, Yucky: Slow-mo puking is the BEST! And thank you. I plan to practice so I don’t read too fast. Also so I don’t hold my breath the whole time. That could be dangerous.

    Don’t forget to guess the post!

    Jeff: Oh, thank you so much. And thanks for guessing. We shall see! Elephant semen—you can’t go wrong with that. I daresay those other humor bloggers, talented tho they may be, haven’t got a single post featuring elephant semen.

    Kathy: Thank you!!! And thank you for being responsible for all this by sending me the link in the first place. I dare you to bring a pink poodle. You can carry him in your Junk Drawer tote bag! And don’t worry about rain. I can make him a nifty raincoat out of a Ziploc bag!

    Don’t forget to guess the post!

    Pricilla: Oh, boy. I hadn’t even thought about that. You’re right! There is blog fodder everywhere—even, nay, especially in puke.

    Don’t forget to guess the post!

    Preston: HAHAHA! I Googled “SITSication” but I misspelled it and got “Do you mean ‘sissification’”? OK, lemme try again. OK, got it. Oh, man it looks FUN! I wanna go! It’s in Vegas and everything. My mom and I sometimes take a trip to Vegas in the fall, so let me think about this. In the meantime, no. No curlers. Unless you think I should?

    Don’t forget to guess the post!

  17. 17 Amy

    I suggest drinking heavily to subdue the nerves – or speed up the puking.

    My guess is… http://idothings.info/i-married-a-robot-so-you-dont-have-to/


    Amy’s last blog post..CSL Cheat Sheet: Conquering Corporate America, One Transitive Verb at a Time

  18. 18 absepa

    It was really tough to come up with a guess, and my first couple of choices are already taken, so I think it will be “I Am Old and Wise.” It seems topical for that group, since it’s all about blogging.

    Maybe it will help if you try to focus on the buying a new dress aspect, rather than the possibly-puking part. Any event that requires me to buy a new dress is a bonus in my book (well, except for a funeral, I guess). I’m all about the shopping and the clothes and the shoes, much to my husband’s chagrin.

    absepa’s last blog post..We’re Gonna Take a Break and Introduce the Band

  19. 19 Regan

    Hm, I would have no idea where to start.

    Can I say the post where you do things so I don’t have to?

    Regan’s last blog post..Girl Scout Cookies

  20. 20 Jen

    Congratulation! How cool is that? I would so love to be there to meet you guys but I just scheduled my tubal for that day and I really don’t want to miss that. Damn, now I might have to forgo bc for another month so I can see you puke.

    Jen’s last blog post..Day 6

  21. 21 dcr

    Don’t puke on a Duke or you they’ll rebuke as a fluke.

    dcr’s last blog post..The Mother (& Father) of All Banana Borg

  22. 22 dcr

    I am torn between “I Got a Tube Shoved Up My Nose So You Don’t Have To” and “I’m So Vein.”

    I am going to go with “I’m So Vein” because that seems more akin to performance art than the tube post.

    dcr’s last blog post..Banana Borg

  23. 23 unfinishedrambler

    I’m so jealous. I wish I could go, but alas, I’m the wrong sex. But it would be fun just to watch you puke. ;)

    unfinishedrambler’s last blog post..WTF Wordless Wednesday #24: Snow cone machine

  24. 24 Puglette

    ok, here’s my guess: http://idothings.info/i-got-a-tube-shoved-up-my-nose-so-you-dont-have-to/

    and yes, new shoes for your new dress. some smart and sexy sandals to show off your new bunion free foot! and your other foot too…

    Puglette’s last blog post..Charlie is Sporty!

  25. 25 JD

    absepa: Thank you for guessing! And thanks for the advice. It’s fun to think about buying clothes (tho I’m not a big fan of shopping). Maybe I’ll check ebay first . . .

    Regan: Oh, good guess! Boy, I don’t want to give anything away, but you’re getting very warm.

    Amy: Thank you for guessing! Maybe if I drink enough I can get all the puking out of the way. Of course, then I’ll be all dehydrated and weak, but I’m sure they have people on hand to help prop you up and stuff.

    Jen: I wish you could come, but the tubal sounds important. Maybe next year? It’ll all be on video, so don’t worry. And as someone above pointed out, on video you can rewind and slow-mo the puking parts.

    Don’t forget to guess the post!

    dcr:Wow, fancy! Since it’s BlogHER, tho, I’m betting there won’t be any dukes there. But I’ll try not to puke on a uke. Thank you for guessing! I wonder if they’d let me make it a real performance art piece—with weird lighting and actors and sound effects. Probably not.

    unfinishedrambler: I wish you could come, too. Boo. What a lousy time to be male. I’m sure we’ll catch the puking on video, tho.

    Don’t forget to guess the post!

    Puglette: Thank you for guessing! Smart and sexy shoes, eh? Yeah, I’m due for a new pair. And after wearing gym shoes for the past 4 months, I’m ready for something strappy and fun!

  26. 26 Maureen

    Now I REALLY wish I were going…

    Here’s my guess:


    All of your posts have me busting a gut, so it was difficult to choose one!!!

    You will be fab.

    And please edit out the puking, Kathy. K? Thx.

    I have a squeamish stomach so you don’t have to.

    Maureen’s last blog post..Summer Vacation

  27. 27 Danielle

    Oh. No. Uh-uh. There’s no way I’m letting you think you’re not funny. This is my first time visiting your blog, and I’m cracking the fuck up over here.

    It will be great to meet you. I’ll do my level best to keep you from puking…on me.

    Danielle’s last blog post..Community Keynote

  28. 28 Lin

    Dang! I’m gonna be gone on vacation!! And I live in Chicago too–what kinda luck is that? Sorry I’m gonna miss you puking–’cuz that would be cool and funny. I would have liked to see that. :( Can you post a photo at least?

    Lin’s last blog post..Waitress!!!

  29. 29 Lola

    The day of your speech is my birthday. Yeah, it’s my birthday! Woo hoo. But sadly I can’t go to BlogHer even though it is an hour (or less depending on how heavy my foot is that day) drive away. I couldn’t afford the tickets, and I’ve heard they’ve sold out anyway.

    I would totally love to come see you puke (I mean support you.) Since I can’t attend, I will be with you in spirit supporting you. Speaking of spirit, I recommend copious amounts of Margaritas to help you get through the speech. That’s what I plan on having to celebrate my birthday, so be sure to drink a toast to me, because I will totally be thinking about you in front of all those thousands of people, mostly women, likely mostly in designer clothes (or the best designer fakes they can afford), dressed to the nines to impress, drinking like fish, laughing it up…You don’t think they would heckle do you?

    Aww snap, sorry I put that out there. I’m sure you’re going to do fine.

    Jose Cuervo
    Cabo Wabo


    Lola’s last blog post..Out of the Mouths of Babes

  30. 30 Stephanie Barr

    OK, I’m guessing now:

    I have a sentimental attachment to “I eat cereal marshmallows so you don’t have to” but I have to go with

    I Faked a Concussion So You Don’t Have To.

    I know it’s wrong, but there’s just so much funny stuff to pick from.

    Stephanie Barr’s last blog post..For Aron: Real World Panic

  31. 31 Scrooge

    I thinks you might reads Prudence’s Birthday one.

    Cats is almost as good as dogs but not quite but good enough so that is a good one.

    She (flit) says that you has too many hilarious ones to choose from

    Scrooge’s last blog post..She is gone again

  32. 32 Tippy

    Congratulations!! About the speaking…not the puking…although, depending on the projectile quality, you may require congratulations for both!

    I’m still waiting for the “I ate a 1000 calorie, 50g of fat Hong Kong style waffle so you don’t have to…” post.

  33. 33 JD

    Maureen: I wish you were going too. Maybe next year? PLEASE? I’ll most likely post two versions: puking and non. There does seem to be some interest in a puking version. Thank you for guessing!

    Danielle: Hi, there! Yeah, I’m going to be poking around your blog too and probably cracking the fuck up as well. I can’t wait to meet you and hear you. As for puking on you . . . that’s really up to fate.

    Lola: HA! Well, happy birthday in advance, tho I WILL remember and WILL toast . . . a Klonopin in your honor, since I don’t drink. You’ll have to have those margaritas so I don’t have to. As for the ladies in their designer duds? Bring it! I plan to be wearing something glittery and sparkly and TOTALLY inappropriate. And I might get a tattoo. Hecklers are welcome.

    Don’t forget to guess the post!

    Stephanie Barr: Thank you for guessing! Ah, the good ol’ cereal marshmallows. How I miss them. Maybe I’ll order up another box some day. Or maybe I’ll fake another concussion. Just to liven things up around here.

    Tippy: You have no idea how badly I want to do the Hong Kong waffle post. Believe me, I’m going to make that thing one of these days, and when I do? There will be photos, descriptions, and possibly puking. Thanks for the good wishes.

    Don’t forget to guess the post!

    Lin: Oh, there will be photos and videos, I’m sure. I’m sorry you won’t be there. Poo! But I’ll be thinking of all my peeps while I’m reading . . . and puking. Maybe not while I’m puking. That seems rude.

    Don’t forget to guess the post!

    Scrooge: Flit is wise. And thank you for guessing! Everyone loves a good kitten story. Prudence herself is thrilled you guessed “her” post. We shall seeeeeeeeeeeee!

  34. 34 cardiogirl

    Wow! Congratulations!

    Okay, my guess: for sure it was the one about you going naked and mistakenly entering that trailer thinking you were going to order some food.

    I can’t remember the title but it was really funny. Congrats again!

    cardiogirl’s last blog post..Does anyone want to grow up to be a butcher? Or a candlestick maker for that matter

  35. 35 Jenn Thorson

    Hey, that’s terrific– congratulations! To quote the character Eddie from AbsolutelyFabulous– “Kick ass, Sweetie-dahling… Kick ass.” :)

    Jenn Thorson’s last blog post..Extreme Classic Novel Makeover

  36. 36 Jen

    Hehe. that’s awesome. Congratulations. I know you are going to have a blast and entertain all who listen. Your blog posts are hilarious so I am sure you will be the talk of the night.

  37. 37 Christa

    Call me before you take the stage and I will do some Laughter Yoga over the phone with you. When it doubt, stash a clown nose, a kazoo and a whoopie cushion in your bag. When I wear my clown nose, I feel 10 pounds lighter. Works like a charm.

    And DO take some video (get a Flip, they rock). If you do chum on yourself we’ll want to play that back in slow mo. Bound to be a great flick to show the family at the holidays.

    I’m just sayin’….

    Christa’s last blog post..Marijuana Pranayama

  38. 38 Pricilla

    I am sending my rich soap for the Swag Bags at SITScation…just so you know. I can’t go as well, I am a goat and the publicist is too poor and has too take care of me but my soap will be there.

    I will have to reread your posts to guess. The ones I remember most are the nude beach one which was the very first post of yours I read and the one you did for Jen at Redhead Ranting. Heh heh

    Pricilla’s last blog post..Afternoon Crazies

  39. 39 Becky

    Congrats! I’m sure you will be awesome. I vote for “I Married a Robot.”

    Becky’s last blog post..A New Way to Screw Up

  40. 40 Jay

    You’ll have fun, and you’ll really enjoy yourself, but mostly after the speech thing is over! LOL! No, really, you’ll have fun. You will! Congratulations on being chosen!

    I dont’ really know anything about BlogHer, but I imagine it’s a great honour. I also imagine it’s an American thing, so no, I won’t be going, sadly, or I’d definitely be getting one of those free stickers! ;)

  41. 41 Lola

    Here are my guesses:

    1.) http://idothings.info/i-welcome-the-living-dead-so-you-dont-have-to/

    2.) http://idothings.info/i-fantasize-about-tim-gunn-so-you-dont-have-to/

    I can’t pick between them. Don’t I get at least 3 votes anyway, since I have 3 blogs?

    Lola’s last blog post..If I Could Blog Back Time Thursdays – Favorite Annual Events

  42. 42 JD

    cardiogirl: Thank you! And thanks for guessing. That was one of my favorites, too. Well, not so much when it happened, but later. Much, much later, when my butt was once again safely clothed.

    Jen: Oh, that’s so nice of you. I am a leetle bit scairt (TM Daisy). But I do intend to have a blast. Puking or no.

    Jenn Thorson: Oh, I do love a good AbFab quote! Thank you! I’ll just channel Patsy and show up drunk. Thank you!

    Christa: That would be awesome! HA! I do love the idea of a clown nose. If I bring a whoopie cushion, I can sit on it repeatedly to help drown the silence. There will be video. There will be puking. Will there be video of the puking? Stay tuned . . .

    Pricilla: That’s so kind of you to donate your soap. As soon as I have a little extra spending money, I’m going to buy some for myself (not that it’s expensive, everyone! It’s very reasonable!). I got some for my aunt, and she loves it—and your blog. I’m sorry you and the publicist can’t go to SITstication—I just found out about that myself.

    Becky: Thank you! And thanks so much for guessing. Dave (Robot Husband) will be thrilled you picked “his” post.

    Jay: Yeah, it’s another one of those American things. But don’t despair. I’ll continue giving away stickers and other crap . . . I mean, fine merchandise from my I Do Things Store. Thank you!!!

    Don’t forget to guess the post!

  43. 43 Issa

    SO if you’ve got dibs on the puking, I’ll take the stuttering and reading my post in 20 seconds flat. Deal? Cause I really hate to puke.

    I am kinda glad to read about someone else who truly didn’t think they’d ever get picked. Yea us!

  44. 44 Mary :: A Merry Life

    Congrats!! I will be at BlogHer so maybe I will get to hear you read your post! :)

  45. 45 Your Daily Cute

    Good luck! You’ll do great — and no puking. ;)

    Your Daily Cute’s last blog post..Kitty Exercise Wheel

  46. 46 Lola

    What happened to my post? Did it get farked up because I put the post links? Dang it! It had my guesses on it. I had 2 guesses.

    1. I Welcome The Living Dead So You Don’t Have To

    2. I Fantasize About Tim Gunn So You Don’t Have To

    I couldn’t pick between the 2 and rationalized that I get at least 3 votes because I have 3 blogs.

    So #1 is my vote from Lola’s Diner.
    And #2 is my vote from Fire Crotch Rocket.

    Lola’s last blog post..Goodbye O’Malley!

  47. 47 Tippy

    My vote: ‘I married A Robot’, but I really want to say the one about the mouse (which by making a vague reference I am in violation of aforementioned contest rules)…but damnit, I can’t find it in the archives! Yargh!!

  48. 48 Natural

    congrats to you JD. you’re going to read the colon post because i’m going to pay you $25 to do so. that’s my favorite.

    could you signal a wave to me while you’re reading. below are my suggestions so i’ll know you’re saying hello to ME:

    you could just say “hello” and “val” between every other word you read. i’ll get the message.

    stand in a yoga tree pose while reading. i will feel at peace and know you are sending me vibes hello.

    puke if you’re nervous. that would be one heck of a clean up on stage 4, but i would still feel honored and go awwwh…and then go puke myself.

    or you can just tell valerie to get the heck off your blog, this isn’t about her and you’ll send her a shout out in the comment section when you get back.

    i’ll take that too. congrats again, well deserved. you’re funny and i bow, curtsey and salute you.

    p.s. spin in a circle every 30 seconds? um, no? okay.

  49. 49 JD

    Issa: Shoot. I hate to puke, too. I should’ve thought ahead. Can I change to “stumbling embarrassingly over a word just as I’m reading my only funny sentence”? YAY us, indeed!

    Mary : : A Merry Life: I hope so! Thanks for stopping by. BlogHer is gonna be a blast.

    Lola: I rescued it. Yeah, Akismet is sensitive to the linkies, which sucks. But thank you SO MUCH for playing my little game. Those are excellent guesses, and yes, you DO get a third guess. Anyone who can maintain 3 blogs (all of them great) gets special treatment around here.

    Tippy: Thank you for guessing! Actually, having already received some “vague” answers, I’m withdrawing the rule about naming the post. I’ll accept keywords, pictographs, and Morse code. I know which post you’re talking about, so your guess is officially submitted and accepted.

    Your Daily Cute: Thank you! I hope no puking. Maybe just a few inelegant burps.

    Natural: HAHAHA! Oh, Val, of COURSE this blog is all about you. How about puking while spinning in a circle? Now that’s a tribue. Tho I like the idea of the yoga tree pose. How ’bout you go up there WITH me? If I start puking, you can just pick up the slack.

  50. 50 Daniela

    jeezus christ. how many comments do i have to scroll through to finally get to my place of comment leaving?? i feel so insignificant. congrats. just dont barf on the free schwag i hear you’re getting. what is the free schwag? what did u get??!!!!

    Daniela’s last blog post..A Little Logo

  51. 51 Musingwoman

    OMG!!!! I’m so excited for you! You totally deserve the recognition!!

    I don’t know if I can pick the post I think you’ll read, though, because every post of yours is fabulous!!!

    Here, I think this needs a few more !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Musingwoman’s last blog post..Summer break

  52. 52 Baron von Rochester


    Now what you really need is a marketing tie-in … cute little barf bags with your sleeping cat logo. I envision a huge success.

    Baron von Rochester’s last blog post..They Don’t Pay Me Enough

  53. 53 Lola

    For my 3rd guess:

    “I Got A Kitten So You Don’t Have To.”

    Thanks for letting me play!

    Lola’s last blog post..Ridiculous!

  54. 54 MomZombie

    Congratulations on making it to “the show.” You with your missing teeth, deformed foot, tangled hair and voluptuous goiter, will be the most beautiful presenter there. No question.

    MomZombie’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  55. 55 Ferd

    Well, puking could be funny, at least that’s how I remember it in college! But then again, those memories are sort of spotty.

    Good luck at BlogHer!!!

  56. 56 Will

    I like to snipe in at the last minute on these contest thingies, taking home all the marbles and leaving the other commentators in tears… but I have no idea which post you will read as there are sooo many great ones. For the sake of the audience, I just really hope it is not this one:


    Will’s last blog post..The Fastest Bird Alive

  57. 57 JD

    Daniela: Free shwag?!!! Man, I hope you’re right! And is “free shwag” redundant? Does anyone ever just get shwag? Is it “schwag” or “shwag”? What a weird word. Who cares, as long as it’s free.

    Musingwoman: Thank you for all the exclamation points!!!!!!!! I’m so looking forward to seeing you there. And maybe getting a tattoo!

    Baron von Rochester: That’s actually a fantastic idea. I could do them real cheap, too, just draw the logo on some paper lunch sacks. I’m sure they’d sell like hotcakes. Who doesn’t need personalized sick bags?

    Lola: Thank you for guessing! Prudence is extremely pleased. 3 guesses—here’s hoping you get lucky!

    MomZombie: Oh, they’re all gonna be so jealous. I’ve just gotta figure out a way to highlight all of my best features to the max. Maybe I should just go naked.

    Ferd: Thank you! Yeah, good ol’ college puking. Hanging my head out the car window . . . good times. I think. Somehow it’s just not the same today. Thanks for stopping by!

    Will: SNIPE! We’ll see if your system worked. As for reading about my colonoscopy—I think the audience would not only love it but benefit from it. People need to be warned about the elephant semen.

  58. 58 kathcom

    This is fantastic. You deserve it and I can’t even guess which one you’ll be reading.

    Just remember that if you puke, you’ll end up on YouTube, so eat something colorful beforehand just in case.

    kathcom’s last blog post..Sandwich Fixins #6

  59. 59 lindsey

    so cool!

    lindsey’s last blog post..because he is your tenderheart

  60. 60 JD

    kathcom: Thank you so much! Any suggestions on good puking food? Actually, my stomach will be fairly empty. The better for the sedatives to work.

    lindsey: Thank you! I rather think so too.

  61. 61 Kelly

    Like so many other, I think “I Had a Colonoscopy” is your funniest. There is nothing funnier than Elephant Semen. In fact, I used your research as my explanation to my doctor why I was NOT going to have a colonoscopy. “JD had one, so I don’t have to!” Yeah. He apparently doesn’t have a sense of humor. His loss.

    Best of luck at your reading! I wish I could be there! (But I might be back in the area in the Fall… so tell your mother to back off. You and I are going to oooh and ahhh over Haley’s baby.)

    Kelly’s last blog post..Fractal No. 46

  62. 62 Margaret (Nanny Goats)

    Congratulations! I can’t wait to watch you puke on stage. As for puking food suggestions for Kathy’s video that she’ll be posting on YouTube for you (it is going to be her, right?) I suggest an assortment Jelly Bellys.

    Margaret (Nanny Goats)’s last blog post..Necklace? What Necklace?

  63. 63 ann of thejunkdrawerblogfamily

    My vote….the one where you describe eating the Californian sandwich. Very descriptive AND hysterical. Can you and Kathy get gigs on NPR and read your posts on a daily basis?

  64. 64 JD

    Kelly: Thank you for guessing! It’s hard to beat elephant semen, that’s for sure. Too bad your doctor didn’t accept your excuse. I tried! (And we will definitely get together if you get back this way. No family members will stand in my way!)

    Margaret (Nanny Goats): Thank you! Yes, I’m hoping Kathy will videotape me (on my junky little camera) just in case the BlogHer people slack off. Jelly Bellys, eh? Fantastic idea. I can just pop them in my mouth all day long and be ready for my closeup.

    ann of thejunkdrawerblogfamily: HI ANN! Thanks for playing. Mmm. Now I’m hungry for a Californian. Perhaps I’ll have to call off my moratorium. I’d love to do a gig with Kathy ANYwhere. Maybe we’ll start a podcast.

  65. 65 Kimberly

    Puking in front of a live audience – PRICELESS! Much luck!

    Kimberly’s last blog post..No Title

  66. 66 Tiggy

    Congratulations! I’m sure by the time the big moment arrives, you’ll be way too worried about the stomach cramps and bouts of diarrhea to worry about a bit of vomit (been there, done that, spent a rather long time in the bathroom).

    Only kidding, you’ll enjoy every second! In fact, what’s the betting they have to drag you off the stage… ;)

    Tiggy’s last blog post..Pirats of the Caribbean

  67. 67 JD

    Kimberly: Thank you! I’m not sure if everyone who paid $100 for the Friday session of BlogHer will agree watching me puke is priceless, but let’s hope they don’t throw tomatoes.

    Tiggy: HA! You seem to know me rather well, what with the diarrhea and being dragged off the stage. I have a feeling once I get warmed up, I’ll break into some sort of ill-advised comedy routine and get the hook around my neck. Thank you!

  68. 68 BOSSY

    Bossy can’t wait, and she loves the suggestion, from a commenter above, about the booze. Done.

    BOSSY’s last blog post..1-800-AUTOPSY

  69. 69 JD

    BOSSY: I hope I got your name right. Is it all-caps or all-lowercase? I don’t want a drunken Bossy mad at me!

  70. 70 fracas

    @Pricilla (Jun 17th, 2009 at 12:45 PM ) ROFL. No, honest. Mostly people post rofl but they didn’t really mean it. I really mean it. I almost spit my coffee.

    @JD – Congrats to you!! I do think you need a new pair of shoes though… but hey… I have to say that, fracas loves shoes!

    Oh… and if you decide not to swallow, you could always spit.


  71. 71 Tarrant

    It was a joy meeting you. And darn it, I never got my I do things sticker or gave you a Retro-Food one.

    LOVED your post. Loved the fact that your mom didn’t believe you had lied years later and now brings it up all the time. My family is like that. (which is why I will never live down asparagus Jell-o or that time…oh you don’t know about that…)

  72. 72 JD

    Tarrant: Oh, but I DO want to know about “that.” I want to know it all, which is why I subscribed to your blog. It was so nice to meet you, too, and share the Keynote experience. Your post was beautiful, and you did such an amazing job. (And did I mention the dress? It was perfect!)

  1. 1 Cardiogirl: 19% body fat 100% fun » Blog Archive » The book of questions, Volume 47
  2. 2 The Junk Drawer » Find Me at BlogHer!


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