Fever in the morning
Fever all through the night
Oh, don’t worry. It’s just a head cold. You won’t catch anything. Of course, that’s what I said to myself when Dave had this very same cold just last week. “Oh, I won’t catch it!” My immune system is like an impenetrable armor shield through which germs are unable to pass. Plus I drink a lot of water—which means I pee a lot, which THEN means I wash my hands a lot—ergo: even if a germ should dare to alight somewhere in my innards, it would be flushed out immediately. Literally!
Anyway, I guess being so convinced of my immunity to all things germy was enough for the God of Phlegm to spear me with his trident of sickliness, for here I am, a’blowing and a’sneezing and a’coughing and pretty much being a giant baby about the whole thing.
(Did you know that you are supposed to feed a cold? My cold seems to prefer macaroni and cheese, ice cream, and bacon sandwiches. I can’t vouch for this as the ideal Head Cold Diet, but it’s working for me.)
And speaking of immune systems, it would appear that I am also immune to every brand of cold medicine available. I tried two different kinds of Thera-Flu, some sort of nighttime cough medicine (I always go for the “drowsy” option), and Nyquil. In fact, I kind of purposely OD’d on the Nyquil, but still: nothing. So I came up with my own complicated and possibly lethal combination of cold remedies. I can’t give you the recipe here, of course, nor can I say exactly how it worked, but I have deduced that you don’t really cough so much when you’re unconscious.
Anyway, the good news is, I plan to be finished with this cold by tomorrow, and, despite being sick this past week, I have been doing LOTS of fun stuff that I want to share with you:
- I reported for jury duty AND served on a jury—while sick!
- This required me to take a train downtown . . .
- . . . and cough all over a bunch of annoyed commuters.
- I did some more kitten research and discovered that Prudence does NOT like it when I sneeze in her face.
- I watched The Hills.
- I watched Fringe.
If You Want to Avoid a Cold
- Stay away from Dave.
- Drink, wash, pee. Repeat.
- Stay away from jury duty. They let SICK people in there!
_____________________________
53 Comments
Stay away from Dave? NEVER!!!
Oh, I hope you’re better soon … if it helps, booze has always helped me when I’m sick. (Please note: booze also helps when I’m healthy.)
Aw ! I’m sorry ! I figure it’s been bothering you for sometime – since you’ve been tweeting about it.
I think it’s to do with the change in weather. I’ve been expelling snot the past couple of weeks like I never did before.
Now excuse me – because I think there’s a piece of tissue left behind in my nostrills.
Jaffer’s last blog post..Food log: The first 24 hours after Ramadan
Can I have a little bite of your bacon sammich?
Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Photo Hunters: Sad
So THAT’S why I hardly ever get sick! I drink so much that I’m always in the bathroom, too. It must be all the handwashing. My mom always attributed my super-immunity to drinking juice every day, but now we know the real reason. Although, I guess the juice is contributing to the peeing, which makes more handwashing, and…well, now I’m all confused. Sorry about the cold, btw–hope you feel better soon.
I’m so glad you watched “Fringe!” It’s my new favorite show, so I’ve been trying to get everyone I know to watch it. I don’t want to get all involved in it, then have it get canceled, like “Firefly.” That was such a bummer.
One of my hobbies is going to the bathroom! I drink so much water at work I think my desk should be relocated to the ladies’ washroom.
I avoid colds by eating lots of garlic – it really does work! Nothing to do with anti-inflammitory properties, I stink so much no-one will come close enough to me to pass on their germs. Great!
Tiggy’s last blog post..Tiggy’s Old Timer Crush Club
Don’t sneeze on me! I have to fly to Europe next weekend (for work) and the thought of spending ~20 in airports and planes with sinus issues scares me to death.
I’m going to go wash my hands right now.
stephanie barr’s last blog post..And now for some levity…
oh i have been so sick for the last week! i’m actually just starting to feel better.
there is a silver lining though… horray for new material!
“i serve jury duty so you don’t have to”
“i annoy train commuters so you don’t have to”
Kelly’s last blog post..My New Poodle
That’s pretty bad you had a cold on jury duty. Not good timing there. Hope you’re feeling better.
Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry”’s last blog post..Guest Post by Mountain Woman at Red Pine Mountain
I’m sorry you’ve been poorly, but macaroni cheese makes it sound like it may have been worth it
You guessed, I love macaroni cheese!
Did you send ‘em down?
Babs – beetle’s last blog post..Mushroom Army – Mystery solved!
poor kitty got sneezed on.
hmmm… wonder what i should feed my cold…
kouji’s last blog post..haiku poem
Vodka kills many viruses, don’t ask how I know that, I just do. Hope you feel much better, soon!
Fancy’s last blog post..Do NOT
Ooooh, bacon.
I absolutely love Nyquil when I am sick. Nothing like sleeping through my days and nights until I feel better.
Get well soon
Monique’s last blog post..Just Because YOU Put Them There Doesn’t Mean I Am Going To…
Canucklehead: I should never have suggested that you could even think of staying away from Dave! Impossible! Canucklehead’s new slogan: “Booze. It always helps.” Thanks. I’m on my way to down a fifth of Jack.
Jaffer: I felt so bad I couldn’t even BLOG about it! And thanks for that awesome visual of “expelling snot.” I have this mental image of strands and strands of Silly String coming shooting out of your nose.
Daisy the Curly Cat: Now, Daisy, you know I LOVE to share my bacon sammiches, but I am just afraid you might catch some germs, so I’d better (nom, nom, nom) eat this all by myself. I’m just looking out for your health.
absepa: I love “Fringe” ! I had a feeling I would, what with all the “Lost” and “X-Files” comparisons. As for drinking juice: whatever leads to lots of peeing and lots of hand-washing will work, I think. See also Canucklehead’s comment above.
Tiggy: Well, I shall have to try the garlic method. Since I’m pretty isolated from most people except Dave, I guess he’ll have to get used to sleeping downstairs. Hey! He’s already sleeping downstairs because I snore all the time!
Stephanie Barr: (covers mouth) Don’t worry! I’m pretty sure I’m past the contagious point, or I would never have even posted. But go wash your hands anyway, just in case. Have fun in Europe—where are you going?
Kelly: Aw, thanks. I’m glad you’re excited about my upcoming posts. And hooray for annoying train commuters! I hope you are completely over your illness. I’m going to milk this for one more day, and then it’s back to work and reality.
Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry”: Thanks. It was lousy timing, but at least I was feeling enough better that I didn’t actually have to lie down in the jury box.
Babs – beetle: So do I! And this was the real deal: homemade . . . with BACON! So good. I think it was 90% responsible for curing me. (No, we didn’t send anyone down. We actually found for the defendant!)
kouji: I’m telling you, you can’t go wrong with macaroni and cheese. Feed some to your cat after you sneeze on her, and she won’t be as mad.
Fancy: I’m afraid I am going to have to ask! And thank you very much.
Monique: Yeah, that’s what I was hoping for. I have fond memories of sleepy Nyquil afternoons and unconscious Nyquil nights, but I must have a resistance to it. At least there’s bacon. And thank you!
Hope you are feeling better. Feed a cold, feed a fever, feed a hangnail. I’m taking no chances. I’d hate to be rushed to the hospital as they inject me with emergency liquid mac and cheese.
Joe’s last blog post..Health Alert
This is funny…my co-worker just had jury duty about a month ago and the day she got back all she would talk about is how it seemed like EVERYONE there had a cold…so apparently you’re right! They let LOTS of sick people there!
Angi’s last blog post..“The time has come,†the Walrus said…
hope it passes quickly …but in the meantime, feel free not to share your cooties
flit’s last blog post..Cancelled class
If only I had come across your blog sooner, maybe I wouldn’t have this nasty cold.
carol at A Second Cup’s last blog post..Getting From Here to There: The Elements of Character Training Part 1b: Teaching Older Children
Fringe? I LOVE FRINGE!!!!
And I hope it’s not an internet cold…. I’m going to a baseball game tomorrow and my friend’s b-day party Saturday.
Ew, yuck… everyone is sick these days. Well, except me; I am avoiding people as much as possible because in two weeks I’ll be on a plane too… I need to get that flu shot ASAP.
Hope you’re feeling better soon.
Maureen’s last blog post..I’m Pessimistically Optimistic
I’m sorry you’re sick.
I have had three colds already since autumn started which does not Bode Well. I shall start drinking and peeing immediately, though I rather hoped you might do that so I didn’t have to.
I guess reporting to Jury service sick is one way to make sure that the felon gets what he deserves.
Jay’s last blog post..ABC Wednesday – the letter L
Joe: I hear you. I have gotten in the habit of feeding my bunion, feeding my plugged-up ear, and feeding that weird patch on my arm that feels like a headache only it’s skin. Wait: IS there liquid mac and cheese???
Angi: Yeah! They don’t care! I was sure after I coughed for the 900th time, someone was just going to look at me and yell, “DISMISSED!”
flit: I will indeed keep my cooties to myself. And I do think I’ll be fine by, coincidentally, the weekend!
carol at A Second Cup: Well, next time, you know where to turn. I’ll probably have another cold in the next year or so, so please do check back.
Regan: Wheee! No, don’t worry. This cold requires actual human germs to touch each other. Have fun at your game and party!
Maureen: GET THAT FLU SHOT! I should listen to my own advice, but I rarely get the flu. Are you going somewhere fun?
Jay: Aw, thanks. But alas, I can only drink and pee so much. At some point you’re going to have to step in.
I am so overdue to get sick, you probably infected me through the Internet. Thanks.
Hope you’re feeling better soon.
haleyhughes’s last blog post..13 things on my bulletin board
All I heard was “bacon sandwiches.” Did you say you were sick or something?
I’m with haleyhughes. I’m afraid I’ll catch something from your blog!
Feel better!
Kathy’s last blog post..Was I on Drugs or Something?
The best thing I’ve read all day = “Anyway, I guess being so convinced of my immunity to all things germy was enough for the God of Phlegm to spear me with his trident of sickliness…”
Brilliant!
My wife is going through jury duty right now. She’s not sick, however.
Here’s a cold killing tip — get some healing peppermint schnapps. You feel better due to the soothing peppermint. Of course, after a while you just don’t give a damn that you’ve got a cold.
Works well either way…
The Hawg’s last blog post..(Almost) Wordless Wednesday — nothing but fun
I know you are sick and all, so I hope this doesn’t sound trite, but I gave you an “award”. Please check out my last post.
Fancy’s last blog post..I’d like to thank the little people, no really, I’m thanking the midgets
Hopefully none of our computers catch a virus!
If you want I could mail you an envelope of home made soup….
Tim’s last blog post..Ribcage: It’s What’s For Dinner!
My favorite remedy for a cold is a hot toddy. It might not take away a stuffy nose but you’ll be passed out cold and won’t notice that you feel like crap.
Singular Girl’s last blog post..I’m sorry, did I wake up in the wrong century?
“Stay away from jury duty. They let SICK people in there!”
Way funny. At least being sick hasn’t squashed your sense of humor.
Jeff’s last blog post..The Poop Parade
I have a paper to present in Rome during the week of the 20th at the International Association for the Advancement of Space Safety.
Heck, just saying that probably put you to sleep. Consider me your sleeping pill and get some rest.
Stephanie Barr’s last blog post..50 Word Snippets
Oh JD, I so wish my mom had known this, because she’s been sick this week, too! She didn’t *have to be because *you were!
I’m glad your cold will be gone tomorrow!
Luxor’s last blog post..Finally Friday
I really am glad you’ve done this for me, I was so not in the mood to be sick this week.
Florida Girl In Sydney’s last blog post..The Great Schlep
Thanks, JD. Hope you feel better soon–so you can go sit outside on this freezing night and watch our school’s homecoming game for me.
Meg’s last blog post..Meg, Coming Up From Behind
I was sick just earlier this week. Not head cold sick, but stomach / intestines sick. Not that one is any better than the other, they both make you feel miserable.
Bucky’s last blog post..Can You Turn Off Your Gay?
haleyhughes: No! I swear! I didn’t go near the keyboard until I passed the 3-day contagious period. Although I’m feeling kind of relapse-y today, so . . . sorry.
Kathy: My blog has been scoured for germs and found completely clean. Except for some bacon grease.
The Hawg: Your wife isn’t sick . . . yet. One day cooped up with all those sick people, and the outcome is inevitable. Thanks for the peppermint schnapps tip. I do love the sensation of “not giving a damn.” Aaaahhh.
Fancy: Awards are never trite! Thank you so much—I’m on my way!
Tim: Yes, please. I think I may also need another gift basket, with extra Canadian Maples.
Singular Girl: I had to look up how to make a hot toddy. I always thought it was just like a hot compress that you put on your chest. NOW I understand how it all works. One question: could I die of suffocation if I pass out with a stuffy nose?
Jeff: Heh. Thanks. Well, it was pretty squashed for most of the week, then reporting for jury duty somehow woke it up again.
Stephanie Barr: Wow! So you really are a rocket scientist! Far from being bored, I am now intrigued. I am going to scout out this IAASS dealie and learn more. COOL!
Luxor: I should’ve tried to put up this post earlier. I might’ve saved hundreds of lives. I hope your mom is feeling better too.
Florida Girl in Sydney: It’s nice to be appreciated. I should warn all of you that I don’t get many colds and rarely do I get the flu, so BE PREPARED! You may have to get sick so I don’t have to!
Meg: Oh, boy. I can’t tell you how unappetizing that sounds. (cough, cough, cough) Uh . . . don’t think I’m gonna make it . . . sorry!
Bucky: I think your sickness trumps mine. I’d definitely rather have a cold than anything involving intestines. You don’t want to mess around with those. Hope you’re feeling lots better.
I am sorry to hear that.But I have to say I am suffering from quinsy and a bad cold right now…it’s awful!
Everyone I know is sick! Feel better! Also – vodka kills germs inside your body. Its true. Mix it with OJ and you have a powerful vitamin c antioxidant sickness killer!!
Athena’s last blog post..6 days and counting
You know about Zicam, right? I swear by the stuff.
I realllllllllllllly appreciate you being sick so I don’t have to. That is why I have pledged (yes pledged) my undying love and loyalty to you. You can also have my first born child or adopted pet or whatever.
jailbird’s last blog post..Dirty Shank #137 Sissy
thanks so much for doing this for me. i am feeling better already. get well soon.
btw, like your blog.
raino’s last blog post..To Cry or not to Cry, in the Office
awwwh, poor thing.
2 words:
liquor
cookies
wait, i think i can form more words:
feel better!
NaTuRaL’s last blog post..Down In the Dumps: Write this Way
your cold diet–supreme!!
jury duty sucks–and I’ve been called for the 20th so I’ll soon share some of your pain
your drug concoction–anything that renders one unconscious while sick or in pain of any kind is good in my book!
chat blanc’s last blog post..Halloweeny
Awww… I’m glad you’ve given your cold a time limit! I hate head colds more than anything! I rather enjoy breathing. I also despise coughing.
Corrina’s last blog post..If Hangovers Could Kill
I always go to hookers when I’m sick…
Travel’s last blog post..The ultimate experience: space tourism
Rum in your hot toddy will clear up a stuffy nose AND will make you pass out… so hopefully a) you will pass out with your mouth wide open and b) your nasal passages will be clear out in the process. I have never heard of anyone dying of suffocation with a trifling head cold but then again.. you never know- you could be the first “I Am Dead By Stuffy Nose So You Don’t Have To Be”.
Singular Girl’s last blog post..I’m sorry, did I wake up in the wrong century?
Here’s my recipe for a cold.
1. Puffs Plus (has lotion built in).
2. Mucinex (12 hour cough relief, an expectorant AND suppressant!)
3. Tea.. just .feels medicinal
4. People magazine…especially the issue with celebrities not wearing make-up!
5. Comfy area for napping stretches.
Feel better!
Athena: Thank you! Really? That’s true? About the vodka? Hmmm. My shopping list so far: hot toddy ingredients, peppermint schnapps, vodka . . . I’ll be feeling better in no time!
DFTF: YES! And I haven’t been able to find the nighttime Zicam. It really does work.
Bags deal: Quinsy! First, I’m sorry to hear that. But second, that’s so funny! Just yesterday, my mom was telling a story about her teen years and how one of her friends had “quinsy.” I had never heard the term before, and here it is: twice in 2 days!!! QUINSY!
jailbird: Wow! I get a free child OR pet? That is awesome, and makes this whole ordeal worthwhile. Your appreciation has been noted.
raino: Thank you! It’s comments like yours that give me the will to recover and live to write another post.
NaTuRaL: Thanks, my friend! Ah, the delicious combo of liquor (any kind?) and cookies. This is going to be a fun weekend.
chat blanc: I agree: a state of unconsciousness is usually my desired goal. Good luck with your jury duty. I hope you won’t have to go (tell them JD already did it so you don’t have to).
Corrina: GOD! There is nothing I hate worse than coughing. And everyone around me seems to hate it too. Where’s the sympathy?
Travel: Sadly, that is not an option for me. I can’t bear the thought of spreading germs.
Singular Girl: (adds rum to shopping list) OK, gotchya. I’d hate to be the first to die of suffocation in such a manner, but it certainly would make an awesome post title. . .
ann of the gap tooth: I love your list. But what is the deal with the expectorant AND suppressant cough syrups? I always picture some sort of struggle going on in my throat, as the confused phlegm tries to go up but is forced back down, over and over.
Oh. I’m not playing baseball there, it’s a professinal game. The Phillies vs. the Dodgers ((Phillies won!!!)) And I went with my parents and my friend.
I don’t play baseball. I can’t play baseball. I can’t really play any sports… I ski though.
I know, it’s an oxymoron. I guess whatever makes its way up, is forced out. Gross, but necessary!
Regan: Go, Phillies! I don’t do sports either—not even skiing. I am just not very physically coordinated. I Zumba, tho!
ann of the gap tooth: Gross, indeed! I feel like there’s definitely stuff that wants to get out—and I want it out! Expectorate away!
then again, i don’t think i’d mind someone sneezing on me, if there was a mac and cheese waiting for me after. :O
kouji’s last blog post..blog action day 2008 poverty haiku
kouji: Yeah, I’m with you. I can put up with a lot for mac and cheese.
Thank you so much for being sick for me
and for going ot jury duty, too I really hate that stuff…Hope you feel better.
Brandi’s last blog post..“The Kid House”
Brandi: Thanks, I am feeling much better. And, now that it’s over with, I’m glad I didn’t try to get out of jury duty. It was a pretty rewarding experience!