Hey, let me ask you guys something.
Has anyone ever chased you around with a whisk broom? While you were naked? And giggling?
I’m willing to bet this has happened to maybe 1% of our population, and yet this is the scenario dreamt up by the great minds at Charmin for their latest ad campaign:
“Pieces Left Behind”
It has sort of a melancholy ring, don’t you think? Pieces left behind . . . It’s poignant, in a way, and—
OHMYGOD No it isn’t because they are talking about TOILET PAPER stuck to your BUTT!
To. Your. Butt.
If you don’t believe me, watch this short horror film wherein two cartoon bears cavort through the forest, one chasing the other, trying to sweep off the PIECES LEFT BEHIND.
Charmin Bears Horror Film
I have so many questions.
When did this become a problem? If you accept the premise that our toilet paper is indeed leaving pieces (on? in? around?) our butts, how come we’ve never seen the evidence? I mean, I don’t go around checking my butt (naked, at least), but I bet I’d notice hunks of soggy TP floating toward the drain in my shower.
Also, Charmin, may I point out that humans are not, in fact, bears? We usually wear clothes. Therefore, the horrifying embarrassment of toilet paper stuck to our naked butts in public is not so much a big deal.
Oh, dear god. I am not a bear, nor do I frolic in the woods, BUT! I have been known to appear in public in only my birthday suit and . . . maybe also PIECES LEFT BEHIND???
What if all those curious stares and muttered comments at our au naturel resort were NOT about the awesome gravity-defying qualities of my naked butt? What if . . .
I can’t even think about it. Can you? If so, DON’T! Don’t think about those Pieces Left Behind, and it’ll be like it was before. Ignorance is bliss. We can all go back to the time when we didn’t know we had toilet paper stuck to our butts.
Or we can just go buy this magical non-Piece-Behind-Leaving toilet paper.
But then the bears will win.
Bear came from here