There it is, folks, in plain black and white. Straight from the fortune cookie’s mouth, and fortune cookies NEVER lie.
I’ve really gotta start eating more Chinese food. This came from one of two fortune cookies with my last order; the other one said, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.” I think it’s safe to say that I’ve “got it,” if I’ve already achieved perfection.
(I know some of you smartasses out there have already applied the obligatory “in bed” to the end of my fortune. Get your minds out of the gutter! Also? You’re right.)
I keep all of my fortune cookie fortunes, and here are some of my favorites:
If you think you can, you can.
TRUE! Although I once thought I could operate a motorcycle after 5 Long Island Iced Teas. Luckily I never even mastered getting the kickstand off the ground.
Better not today.
Um. OK. (Looks around nervously . . .)
When time permits, your personal life will be exciting.
This is annoying. I’m not that busy.
The more you say, the less people remember.
You are the guiding star of his existence.
Of Dave’s existence? I doubt it. Dave’s idol is Carl Sagan, and any guiding stars in his existence are strictly of the gaseous variety. Hey, wait . . .
Your great attention to detail is both a blessing and a curse.
How can it be a curse? I’m an editor, dammit!
For better luck, you have to wait until autumn.
I first typed “licky” instead of “luck.” Anyway, autumn is here, so bring on the licky!
You will soon be involved in many gatherings, parties, and communications.
Hmmm. “Gatherings” might be OK, but I’m not a big party person and communications are acceptable only by e-mail.
You will be the best.
I guess that last one was a foreshadowing of things to come.
If you want to be FORTUNEate:
- Online fortune cookies (kind of lame, actually)
- Customize your fortune cookie.
- Tasteless fortunes are the best!
Do you keep your fortunes? Do you throw away the cookie? Has a fortune ever come true?