I Am Famous (and More!)

I’ll come back for the honey . . . and you

cartoon JD.jpg

So you’ve already read the famous I Embrace My Randomness post and thought, “Wow. There can’t be any more random things to know about JD.”

Wrong! Behold: More random things I do so you don’t have to:

1. I draw. Look! I drew this:

sleeping cat.jpg

And this:

garden of cats.jpg

Do you sense a theme here? Do you also sense that I kind of suck at drawing? But I don’t draw just cats. Among my other drawing achievements:

  • a friendly worm wearing a jaunty top hat
  • a friendly sun wearing jaunty sunglasses
  • a friendly caterpillar wearing a jaunty top hat

2. I am famous. Remember that popular Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass album? With the girl covered in whipped cream?


JD covered in youthening whipped cream.jpg

Impossible, you say? Well, I’m older than I look. And there’s nothing more youthening than covering yourself in whipped cream. Try it!

3. I have an overpowering urge to squeeze a large, fat bird. I don’t want to hurt it, just squeeze it gently. Maybe just enough to make it squawk.

squeezable bird.jpg

4. I am singlehandedly bringing back the turban as a hair fashion statement for women. Check it out:

cool turban lady.jpg

This lady can see, is able to eat without getting a
mouthful of hair, and looks lovely and serene.

Hairball JD.jpg

This lady (aka JD) is technically blind,
has a giant mouthful of hair, and looks
a right ol’ mess.

5. I have an inexplicable crush on Eli Wallach as Tuco in The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. (And, yes, he is the “ugly” of the trio.)

Tuco-yes, really.jpg


Maybe it’s because Tuco stars in one of my top ten favorite movie scenes:

Watch it here!

Brief synopsis: The Good (Clint Eastwood), the Bad (Lee Van Cleef), and the Ugly (Eli Wallach) have spent about 6 hours of the 7-hour-long movie looking for a graveyard where a bunch of money is buried. Tuco finds the graveyard and must find the actual grave, all to the accompaniment of Ennio Morricone’s awesome “Ecstasy of Gold.”

6. I co-wrote a song with my brother. While it never hit the charts, we felt it was pretty catchy at the time:

We’ve all got diarrhea
We caught it from Maria
Maria thought it was quite fun
But I do not, I’ve got to run
Too LATE! All over Maria

strange brother and sister.jpg

7. I am better than a lot of people. Why? Because my eyes are completely and totally brown. When I was a kid, my mom noted that my eyes had no hazel coloring (unlike my brother’s eyes, which are a little lighter than mine). I thought that was a sign of genetic superiority. I guess I still do, even tho I daresay I’ve met many people with pure brown eyes.

genetically awesome.jpg

Thanks to Canucklehead and Ernie for the double-team meme! (I know, it was supposed to be 8 things, but 7 is what you get.)

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29 Responses to “I Am Famous (and More!)”

  1. 1 Shieldmaiden96

    #3 Caused an involuntary bark of laughter that made my co-workers stare at me. Even now I am fighting the urge to laugh more but I can’t explain what’s funny or they’ll know I’m not doing an accounting breakdown of the company credit card like I’m supposed to be. (Its too nice outside! Someone gave me a pen!)

    Shieldmaiden96′s last blog post..I feel all Jane Austen-y!

  2. 2 Lord Likely

    The final photograph makes me want to squeeze a bird, as it were!

  3. 3 Kathy

    Dear Jaunty JD: I think I need more on the bird situation and I’m a little worried about your Tuco crush, although my husband says he’s not that ugly in real life. Do you only love him as Tuco? Inquiring minds want to know. You’re on your own with the turban thing. One thing’s for sure, we totally-brown-eyed women are hot (and superior, of course). My blue-eyed friends are SOOOO jealous.

    Kathy’s last blog post..Excuse Me, but That’s Not a Table

  4. 4 Canucklehead

    These are all great. I thought for sure you were going to let me down on the nudity and then … BAM! There is was, what a finale!

  5. 5 Tim

    This whole bird squeezing thing, just weird! Not you, Lord Likely, I understand your sentiments. Now you’ve got me wondering about squeezing a plump pheasant myself……. weird!

  6. 6 regan

    #1 – You’re a pretty good drawer. I’m not. That’s why I get 80s in art class…. last year it was just 100s for effort.

    #2 – Well, I’m too young to know about that, but I’ll believe you if you want me to.

    #3 – Hmm… those birds better watch their backs when they see you coming along… I might squeeze one myself now…. watch out birds!

    #4 – I’d get beat up in my school for wearing that and not being Indian.

    #5 – I have no idea who that is, and that movie sounds like one ‘I’ll appreciate when I’m older’

    #6 – What a nice song….

    #7 – Oh I am SO jealous! I have hazelish eyes! I am so ashamed…

  7. 7 JD

    Shieldmaiden96: And “an involuntary bark of laughter” provoked the same reaction in me. HA! Why can’t you explain what’s funny? A fat,
    squeezable bird would be acceptable as funny by ANYone!

    Lord Likely: Well, make sure it’s a bit bird, or it’s hardly worth squeezing, right?

    Kathy: I only love him as Tuco. Your husband’s right, tho, the real Eli Wallach doesn’t look quite as dirty and scruffy.

    I can’t explain the urge to squeeze a bird. You either get it or you don’t. I’m thinking most people won’t get it. SQUEEEEEEZE!

    Don’t you think turbans would solve a lot of hair problems?

    Canucklehead: BAM! indeed. Well, maybe more of a “bam.” I’m glad you’re pleased.

    Tim: See? You’re thinking about it. It would be very satisfying, wouldn’t it—to gently squeeze a nice, big, round bird? I sense a trend
    beginning . . .

    1. Thank you!
    2. The picture speaks for itself (sort of)
    3. Squeeze a bird!
    4. Well, I certainly don’t want you getting beat up. No turbans for you!
    5. The movie is definitely a classic, but not for everyone.
    6. I should probably post a sound or video clip so you can learn the tune. Sing it for your friends!
    7. Don’t be ashamed! This whole theory is shaky at best. I think it was just my way of coping with boring ol’ brown eyes as a child (I always
    wanted hazel!)

  8. 8 jennypenny

    Girl, my eyes are so brown, they never even thought of hazel. Does that make me better than you? I did however give birth to two hazel-eyed children (this is all TG’s fault).

    I wanna squeeze that fat white bird too.

    jennypenny’s last blog post..Red Means Stop, Y’all

  9. 9 Jeff

    My wife and all 3 of my kids have dark brown eyes. My eyes are green but I’m still pretty sure I’m their dad.

  10. 10 Matt

    Aye, the song might have been a little ahead of its time, give it another few years and along with flares and paisley patterns you’ll be top of the charts and living the high life. With talent like that you can’t miss.

    Matt’s last blog post..Changing sidebar width on my wordpress theme

  11. 11 cardiogirl

    You know, last summer my neighbor two doors down (the one we call Kravitz) attempted to bring the turban back. It really only caught on in her yard.

    I hadn’t thought of ever squeezing a large bird, but now that you’ve provided a graphic and the correct amount of pressure (just enough for a squawk) I think I’m in.

    cardiogirl’s last blog post..My brain power is being tested (and failing)

  12. 12 JD

    jennypenny: Hmmm. I don’t know that you’re necessarily better than me—perhaps just as good, tho.


    Jeff: You may be their father, but I’m sorry to tell you that you are genetically inferior to them.

    Matt! Hello, and welcome. Thanks for the encouraging words. Not only are the lyrics awesome and timeless, but the tune—if only you could hear it—is very spritely. I think we’ll go far.

    Cardiogirl: Maybe I used the wrong picture. I’m thinking of glamorous movie actresses of the 40s in turbans, with a diamond brooch at the center. Anyone? Hmmph.

    I think bird-squeezing could be very therapeutic, if done correctly.

  13. 13 Jeff

    That’s not news to me. My family reminds me of that on a daily basis.

  14. 14 JD

    Jeff: Aw. Well, at least I didn’t have to be the bearer of bad news. I’m sure all you non-pure-brown-eyed people out there have many fine qualities.

  15. 15 Co-Ree-Nuh

    Ok I’m going to try to break it down and hope your comments don’t cut me off…

    1.) I LOVE that drawing of a sleeping cat. Love, love love.

    2.) I missed that album cover somehow but I do recommend being covered in whipped cream. It’s good for your skin, I hear. lol

    3.) Aren’t you afraid that the large, fat bird will peck you? I’m afraid of anything with a pointy beak.

    4.) PLEASE get yourself one of those velvet turbans and photograph yourself in it. In public. If you do- I will.

    5.) Uh… Yeah.

    6.) Are you sure you and your brother didn’t actually write the Pepto Bismol jingle?

    7.) Brown eyes are FABULOUS!

    Ok, that’s all. I loved this post. :-)

    Co-Ree-Nuh’s last blog post..Bye Bye iPhone

  16. 16 Kelly

    About #2… tsk, tsk, tsk. Do not try to fool people who are old enough to have actually owned that album. Yes, I said ALBUM. Yes, I’m that old.

    Your drawings are cute, unlike mine. Mine mostly suck, which is why I do abstract art.

    And finally, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to squeeze a bird of any kind, mostly because they creep me out. So if you’d just do that for me, I’d appreciate it. :) I would like to squeeze a panda, though.

    Kelly’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  17. 17 regan

    I have this little fake bird on this little fake wreath. I can squeeze it for you. =)

  18. 18 JD

    Co-Ree-Nuh: (have you been having problems with people mispronouncing your name, by any chance?)

    1. Thank you! I really need to do another one—that one’s a little too puffy. It’s one of my favorite things to draw. Nice, big, round cat.

    2. Absolutely! Tho I may have gone a bit overboard.

    3. I am afraid of pecking birds, but I’d be willing to risk it for a chance to squeeze a nice, big, fat one.

    4. YOU’RE ON!

    5. I know.

    6. Y’know, my brother may have written that one by himself. He had a long history of Pepto Bismol use as a child.

    7. YES!

    Kelly: You may want to go back and doublecheck your “album.” I’m pretty sure that’s me on the cover (and, yes, I’m that old, too!) Oh, I bet your drawings are way better than mine, based on your lovely, incredible artwork. I’d much rather be able to paint or draw the way you do than my silly (tho lovable!) sleeping cat!

    Squeezing a panda sounds like a very good alternative to bird-squeezing. I approve.

    Regan: Hmmm. Is it a fairly fat, round bird? I may need a picture.

  19. 19 Lisa Lisa

    Great post! I enjoyed all of your randomness :o)

  20. 20 Tim

    This bird squeezing trend sounds a lot like those other trends from way back, like spanking monkeys and choking chickens. In any case you still had me thinking about, so here goes:
    Living on farms all my life I have actually squeezed a couple big fat birds. Just to move them around or put them inside. For maximum safety, you have to get the wings pinned down or you get flapped in the face. Geese can really hurt you that way. And you always come from behind since the other end is pointy,except for ducks and geese but they can scrape you with their bill. Large chickens fit your big fat bird description, and most chickens are fairly docile so they won’t hurt you if you get em from behind :)
    Now go out and squeeze your birds. Just don’t use this information I gave you for evil! Only gentle squeezing allowed.

  21. 21 Sabrina

    This has got to be the most hilarious post I have read in a LONG while! Why are you so damn funny?!! I’m stumbling this…I enjoyed it way too much. The argument for comments is made with this post…they’re great too! Especially Tim’s tutorial on fat bird squeezing! Just great!

    Sabrina’s last blog post..Men in the Delivery Room?

  22. 22 RT Cunningham

    Hey famous JD,

    I’m stopping by to let you know that I added you to my “dofollow” list. Thanks.

    RT Cunningham’s last blog post..Make Retarded Search Engines Work For You

  23. 23 JD

    Lisa Lisa: Thank you! Randomness is way underrated, especially when accompanied by ladies in turbans.

    Tim: OK, obviously you have to write your own post on how to squeeze a bird (See Sabrina’s comment). Your tutorial is going to help SO many people like me who neeeeed to squeeze a large, fat bird but have always been afraid.

    Avoid the pointy end, people!

    Sabrina! Wow, thanks so much for the Stumble. I’m glad you like it—I felt like it was just kind of a mish-mash of stuff inspired by silly pictures. I had fun with it, tho, so I’m glad you think it’s funny. And I agree: some of the best people in the WORLD comment here at I Do Things!

    RT Cunningham: Hey, there, yourself! Thanks for the add. I’ll have to double-check my do-follow widget and make sure it works!

  24. 24 Kelly

    Apparently I’m going to have to visit my sister to retrieve the album. Ugh, there’s another thing you could do so I wouldn’t have to. She’ll talk your ears off, fair warning.

    Come visit, I’ll teach you how to paint cool art. :) I still haven’t mastered the art of drawing yet.

    Kelly’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  25. 25 Memarie Lane

    I too have pure brown eyes. Like pools of melted chocolate, if I do say so myself. It’s nice to find another who is appreciative of such a fine asset.

    Memarie Lane’s last blog post..Starbucks!

  26. 26 JD

    Kelly: Boy, I hate to put you through a visit to your sister, but it sounds like that’s the only way to end this dispute. Unless…you take my word for it. Either way, I’d LOVE to visit. I’ll put up with your sister’s talking if you can teach me 1/8th of your talented art ability.

    Memarie Lane: Welcome, all pure-brown-eyed visitors! (and the rest of you). “Like pools of melted chocolate.” I like that and intend to steal it.

  27. 27 Kelly

    coComment failed me. :(

    The good news is that if you come to visit ME, you’ll be an entire continent away from my sister. :)

    Kelly’s last blog post..Blue Rose Mandala

  28. 28 JD

    Kelly! I have coComment too, but I keep forgetting to use it.

    Your argument is sound. I’m on my way!

    (I’ll bring my doodles for you to judge.)

  1. 1 Redneck Bar & Grill » I Do Things Like Send JD a Gift Basket!


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