“This time next week, it’s a pretty good bet I won’t be wearing pants.”
The context in which this quote was uttered by Dave is irrelevant. All you need to know is that he’s referring to our vacation to Jamaica and the—
Oh, wait. I totally have to share the context. We were just settling down in our favorite back-row seats at the theater to watch No Time for Grumpy Old Men, or whatever it’s called. Dave wondered if anyone would notice if he took off his shoes. Because I’m eight, I wondered if anyone would notice if I took off my pants. This quite naturally led to Dave’s pants-removal prediction.
What the hell is all this leading up to? Quite simply, by the time you read this post, I won’t be wearing any pants. I won’t be wearing ANYthing, because the resort we’re staying at has a “nudist” side and a “prudist” side. And let me tell you: We ain’t no stinkin’ prudists. The main part of the resort is clothing-mandatory, as is the prudist side. But on our side, it’s all nude, baby: nude beach, nude pool, nude walkways, nude hotel rooms and stairways, nude balconies and patios, nude poolside lunch, and nude water aerobics.
Nude! It’s not just for bath time anymore!
I have to stress: we’re not nudists. We just like hanging out nude sometimes . . . in public . . . with other nude people. What distinguishes us from nudists is that this is not a lifestyle. It’s a vacation. We don’t play nude volleyball or hang out at trailer camps with nude families. Swimming nude is fun. Eating barbecue nude is not.
We went to this resort last year, and it was a lot of fun. But I do plan to do a few things differently this year:
- I plan to drink! Last year, I didn’t drink, partly because I’m just not much of a drinker, but also because I was loaded up with Vicodin for a sore tooth.
- I won’t have a sore tooth this year, so I will not be taking Vicodin . . . for tooth pain. I’m still bringing Vicodin, because what if I stub my toe—or worse? Nudism can be dangerous.
- I am testing out my new flip-flops before I go. Last time, my brand-new flip-flops wore a bloody groove between my big toe and second toe, and since all I’d brought were flip flops, I was forced to hobble around wearing only socks. Yes, nude and wearing socks. It’s not as sexy as it sounds.
- I plan to wear clothes! I know, we’re staying on the nudist side of the resort, but last year I did feel a smidge self-conscious walking around naked everywhere. They don’t force you to be nude, and if you don’t already know this: Nothing feels better than pulling on a pair of underpants after a long, hard day of nudism.
- I am taking the Nude Yoga class. And I’m making Dave go with me. Have you ever tried this pose in the nude? No? Me neither.
- One thing I definitely plan to repeat is the nude beach massage. Get this: you’re nude (tho covered with a towel) on a beach getting a massage. Palm trees overhead, the sound of surf nearby, perhaps a dacquiri within arm’s reach . . . if someone could feed me chocolate donuts through the face-hole thing, I could lie there forever. I wouldn’t need anything else. Oh, except a catheter.
Have a great week everyone!
If you want to do nude from the comfort of your home:
- Join us at Grand Lido Braco (pants optional)
- Ask some questions and get some answers about nudism
- Read about our other nude adventures here and here