I Am a Redhead

When it comes to getting a dirty job done,
I’ll take a red-headed woman

scary-ass-redheaded-clown.jpg

Apparently, I’m a redhead.

I don’t know when it happened. I’m not aware of coloring my hair or of my hair coloring itself, but in the last few years, people have started referring to me as a redhead.

I’m not even remotely offended at being called a redhead. Redheads are the coolest! Also the scariest (see above picture). I just think it’s a mistake. At best, I have brown hair with reddish highlights. I’m not sure that earns me a membership in the Redhead Club. I do have lots of freckles, but my skin is not that pale. I don’t have a fiery temperament, but I HAVE been called highly sexed and I am addicted to sugar. My dad’s family is from Scotland, home of the highest percentage of the world’s redheads. I have been known to wear green. I had some problems with sedation. I don’t consider myself good at “getting a dirty job done.”

Some Indisputable Evidence that I May Be a Redhead
  • A few years ago, a friend at an office where I used to freelance told me of a conversation she’d overheard, in which one of the parties had referred to me as a “stunning redhead.” Now, one of those words totally does not apply to me. But which one?
  • I recently visisted my eye doctor, convinced I had some sort of rare eyeball disease because my eyes are so sensitive to light (seriously, I wear my sunglasses at night). The doctor nonchalantly said, “Well, that’s very common in redheads.” Whaaaa?
  • After returning from Jamaica with my awe-inspiring tan, I was talking with an acquaintance about the dangers of burning. She said, “And you have to be especially careful, ‘cuz you’re a redhead.” Really? I am?

I did some investigating into my new cultural heritage of redheadedness and discovered that according to Greek mythology, redheads are believed to turn into vampires after they die. Now that is both awesome and scary.

Famous Scary Redheads

Carrot Top. (Warning! Click on the following link only if you have some bleach handy to rinse off your eyeballs). Have you seen this guy lately? He’s scarier than that scary-ass clown up at the top.

Phoebe Price. This is some sort of celebrity. Regardless. She’s scary and gives redheads a bad name.

Danny Bonaduce. Who’da thought cute little Danny from The Partidge Family would turn out like this.

Vincent Van Gough. I’m sorry—he’s talented and everything, but look at those eyes. He wants to kill me!

Do you think I’m a redhead?

scary-ass-redheaded-clown-small.jpg

does she or doesn't she?.jpg

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43 Comments


43 Responses to “I Am a Redhead”

  1. 1 Alice

    Of that whole redheadedness post – I was most intrigued by your light sensitive eyes. I thought I was the lone freak! I keep all the lights in my house off until it’s almost pitch black outside and have forced my kids to adapt by using echolocation.

    Alice’s last blog post..Weekender Plus Monday Slots Extravaganza

  2. 2 Meg

    Yes, you are indeed a redhead–based on your personality, not your hair color!

    Meg’s last blog post..Proof My Mind’s in Bit of a Blog

  3. 3 Lori

    That Phoebe Price isn’t a redhead – I don’t know what color that hair is! Good God, and that lipstick color!

  4. 4 jennypenny

    My hair is brown with red highlights too, but that’s ’cause I do it meself with Clairol Nice ‘n Easy Light Neutral Natural Brown number 116A, which turns my hair red on top. Or to be more specific, brassy.

    To go with me colorful and sometimes abrasive (but not fake … never fake) personality, apparently.

    You are so funny, JD. Thanks for being a REAL redhead so I don’t have to.

    jennypenny’s last blog post..The Man From Indiana, Pennsylvania

  5. 5 Jeff

    Yeah but… but… but… but why does Carrot Top have to be nude in that picture?!!! That’s just wrong.

    btw, both my brother and sister are indisputably “red” headed so in our book you wouldn’t qualify. I would say you’re more of an auburn perhaps but not actually “red.”

  6. 6 Dave

    Redheads are H-H-Hot!…Redheaded clowns? Scary.

    Dave’s last blog post..U.S. Ranked 97th on Global Peace Index

  7. 7 Shieldmaiden96

    NO CLOWNS! NO CLOWNS! NO CLOWNS!

    Jeebus.

    Promise me you won’t do that again.

    I have been accused of having ‘auburn highlights’, which means that some part of my BROWN hair that is not visible to me has some interesting shimmery bits in certain light. AH well. I just throw $7 worth of Clairol whatever on it once in a while to turn it into something I can see. And camouflage the gray.

    I don’t mind being called a redhead; I was called Canadian once. I didn’t really know what to make of THAT.

    Shieldmaiden96′s last blog post..Department of Vehicular Awesomeness

  8. 8 Kathy

    God, clowns and Carrot Top. That’ll put you in therapy. Please tell me his head was Photoshopped on. That cannot actually be what he’s done with himself.

    My vote is Breadhead: a brownish red? Whatever the color, you have beautiful hair and I’m jealous and I hate you.

    Kathy’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  9. 9 windyridge

    Hey I thought the Irish had the majority on the red headed thing?

    windyridge’s last blog post..Gardening in 40 Degrees!

  10. 10 Mimzie

    Welcome to the “Red Head Club.” We’re tons of fun. Has anyone taught you the secret hand shake yet?

    Mimzie’s last blog post..Geisha Feet

  11. 11 jt

    OK, that picture of Carrot Top? That is seriously going to give me nightmares for years! That was just a horrid, horrible image, and I think the back of my eyeballs are burning.
    I would have to agree with Jeff, auburn would be a closer name then calling it red. Unless in the sun, the red comes out stronger, have someone take a pic of you while outside and then we’ll see how really red it is.
    As someone who has been a redhead for the last 13 years, I can definitely would say redheads have more fun! :)

    jt’s last blog post..Little things that piss me off

  12. 12 JD

    Alice: You are no longer a lone freak! Hold your head up high (just keep your sunglasses on). HA! Echolocation. That’s funny. I don’t mind bright lights inside, but outside, I absolutely have to wear sunglasses.

    Meg: Wheee! So I’m a redhead on the inside, maybe, yeah?

    Lori: I know, isn’t that the fakest red EVER? And how do you like those cheek implants. Brrrrr.

    jennypenny: I’m writing down the name of your Clairol product for when the gray starts to take over. I don’t know how much of a REAL redhead I am, anyway. Maybe it’s more a state of mind?

    Jeff! I’m so sure. I’m going to slap up a warning regarding that Carrot Top link. It is indeed wrong for so many reasons. And I have to agree: I think “auburn” is more accurate, but you’d be surprised how many people say “RED!”

    Dave: I concur. And thank you! Unless you don’t think I’m a redhead, in which case, I thank you on behalf of my redheaded friends.

    Shieldmaiden96: I really wavered over putting up that clown picture. I figured there would be some people out there with, shall we say, a slight aversion to clowns. Still, it gave me a bit of a giggle.

    Canadian, eh?

    Kathy: BREADHEAD! Is that what you’re going to call me? You really do hate me! Kidding. Also—I really do think that’s what Carrot Top looks like. Why? I have no idea.

    windyridge: I thought that too! But several sources said it was Scotland, followed, I’m pretty sure, by Ireland and then…Australia!

    Mimzie! No! That makes me wonder if I really am a redhead or not. Is there any way you can e-mail it to me?

    jt: See my above comment to Jeff. Hopefully I can save future readers from being scarred for life. I would say that my hair definitely looks redder in the sunlight. Whatever you call it, I’m pretty happy with my hair color. For now.

  13. 13 Natural

    you’re knowdumbblonde (no offense to blondes) uh yes you are a red head with a touch of brown and you don’t look crazy like those other three. although his (carrot top) little body is not half bad. i need to go home now.

    Natural’s last blog post..But I Can’t Feel Anything – Does Using Plastic Desensitize the Act of Spending Money

  14. 14 Dave

    No, JD..you a hottie-no matter what you girls and Clairol are calling your hair color. At least your not stuck with “Dirty Blonde” like me! Makes me feel so cheap.

    Dave’s last blog post..The Shocking Results of GT Teen Oral Sex Survey

  15. 15 Tim

    Well obviously you should take being called CANADIAN as a compliment of the highest order. Now if you will excuse me, I have to put my beer down and chase some moose off’n the porch before they take a dump out there again……

    Tim’s last blog post..Pop Star by James At War

  16. 16 Regan

    Hmm, I think you have more brunette-strawberry hair…

  17. 17 JD

    Natural: No, we don’t want to offend any blondes out there, especially since I have ALSO been referred to as a blonde. I just have one of those weird hair colors, I guess.

    Regarding your Carrot Top comment: I’m very afraid for you.

    Dave: Woo! Well, I may be hot (thank you) but I’m also pretty stupid, as I thought your blog title misspelled “Geology” (duh, folks, it’s “Gelotology,” which I then had to look up) and THEN I actually believed your “About Me”—at least till you got to the part about the Northwest Passage. I’m not that dumb. Welcome! Men can be dirty blonds, trust me. We like that.

    Tim: What are your feelings on redheaded Canadians? Wait, we need to get Canucklhead in here too He can help you with your moose.

    Regan: Ooh, I like strawberry as a description. What color is your hair, may I ask? And how’s your new Web site coming along?

  18. 18 cardiogirl

    Hmm. I see hints of red. I don’t know that you’re a “classic” redhead, but I see the inklings of it.

    Your surprise of being referred to as a redhead is similar to my surprise at my family doctor saying to me, “Type A personalities like yourself…”

    Um, ‘scuse me? Me. Type A?

    cardiogirl’s last blog post..In whichâ„¢ Violet makes me smile

  19. 19 Lisa Lisa

    I wouldn’t say you were a red head. You can defiantly tell that color is brown with red highlights – and some women pay lots of money for that.

    You scared me with the photos of the clown and Carrot Top. They are both creepy AND annoying.

  20. 20 babs (beetle)

    Well I would say you are on the extreme fringe of being a redhead – pun intended. I have been cheated, or saved, whichever the case may be as I can’t access the picture of Carrot Top. Access denied!

    babs (beetle)’s last blog post..Major Entrecard Updates

  21. 21 Kori

    I would say a definite auburn, sorry! Thanks for stopping by today.

    Kori’s last blog post..Is it Wednesday?

  22. 22 JD

    cardiogirl: I definitely don’t feel like a “classic” redhead, and that’s why I’m always so surprised when people refer to me in a way that suggests THEY think I am. I’m a reddish-head.

    It’s funny how other people’s perceptions of us can come as such a surprise.

    Lisa Lisa: I’m sorry I scared you! For some reason, that clown photo really tickled me. Carrot Top, on the other hand, did not.

    Yes, I agree: predominantly brown with some red. I’ve had people ask me what color I use. You can’t buy this hair, baby!

    babs (beetle): I’m very happy that you can’t see the Carrot Top picture. I think you’ll probably get a much better night’s sleep than any of those who saw it.

    Heh. “Fringe.” I get it, but I bet most Americans don’t know that “fringe” is British for “bangs.”

    Kori: I think it’s auburn, too. No reason to be sorry! I love being thought of as a redhead, but I honestly don’t think it’s quite an accurate term.

  23. 23 julie

    Actually your hair looks brown!

  24. 24 Corrina

    Nope… You’re a brunette like me. And brunette’s rock. :-)

    Corrina’s last blog post..Let’s Keep It Simple

  25. 25 Elle

    OMG Naked Carrot Top. The only pic worse would have been one taken while he was getting his perm. Put it in a burlap sack, please.

    Your hair is a lovely light brown with auburn highlights. And there they go, plopping you into the redhead box. Ah well. Spoken as a woman with no remaining natural color. It has long since been overrun by peroxide and gray.

    Elle’s last blog post..Waiter, There’s A Sea Monster In My Bathtub.

  26. 26 Canucklehead

    Not only Canadian but I am also a proud redhead. Of course, I’ve gone the opposite way – I was one of those bright orange haired kids (I always prefered strawberry blonde) who has gone to a shit brown (now with grey highlights!) over the years. I actually did belong to some sort of redhead club as a kid – I think it was a birthday present. I’m all for the clowns being scary – sweet lord, KILL THEM WITH FIRE! Anyway, welcome to the club, it looks like you can have my seat as I’m slowly getting evicted.
    PS – I don’t mess with no moose.

  27. 27 Carla

    Yes, with hair bumps.

    Carla’s last blog post..Wait, I forgot to tell you

  28. 28 babs (beetle)

    Well there you go then. I bet my best and sharpest humour is lost in the ‘British’ wording of my posts ;O)

    babs (beetle)’s last blog post..Major Entrecard Updates

  29. 29 JD

    julie: I think you’re in the majority with that opinion!

    Corrina: I agree that brunettes rock. I wish my hair was as shiny and beautiful as yours.

    Elle: I don’t mind being plopped into the redhead box, but it does surprise me. As for Naked Carrot Top, the less said about him, the better.

    Canucklehead: A Canadian Redhead weighs in! Now with gray highlights! If I deserve a seat in the club, then you definitely deserve to maintain your place, if only for your past as an orange-haired kid.

    Carla: Hair bumps? What???

  30. 30 Natural

    Dare I look again? I just change his face a little bit, darken up the body and I get my look on.

    Natural’s last blog post..I Think I Love My Car

  31. 31 Regan

    Hmm, my hair is dark brown. My website is good. Aunt Kathy’s gonna help me start a real blog sometime. =)

  32. 32 JD

    babs (beetle): Never! True humor comes through no matter what.

    Natural: I’d suggest changing the face a LOT! Better still, I suggest not looking again.

    Regan: Well, with your writing skills AND your Aunt Kathy’s help, there’s going to be another great blog in the blogosphere pretty soon!

  33. 33 Kelly

    I am a redhead!! So I guess I’m going to have to find a picture of my red head to go along with those pictures of the wedding dress. (My hair wasn’t red when I got married, so one picture will not be good enough.)

    I was born with red hair (of the auburn shade). It turned brown and boring before I went to kindergarten. Thanks to my “hair guy” Steve, I have corrected that little problem.

    Kelly’s last blog post..Collaged Words: Hope II

  34. 34 Sunny

    Not sure about the Carrot Top image, looks like a Photoshop job!

    Sunny’s last blog post..Array Function in WordPress 2.5

  35. 35 Maureen

    Thank you for the Carrot top warning… I shan’t be clicking on THAT link.

    Ever.

    With my pale complexion, I have to stay away from anything red in the haircolor aisle…

    You definitely look Scottish. A purdy Scottish lass. Do you have a kilt?

  36. 36 DineometerDeb

    Thanks for your sacrifice. We appreciate it. ; )

    DineometerDeb’s last blog post..Jerusalem Cafe

  37. 37 JD

    Kelly: Woo! Congratulations! You’re a rare and exotic breed. So what if it takes a little “correction.” It’s your true hair color.

    Sunny: I know, right? But I think—horrifyingly enough—that it’s real. At least, I’ve seen lots of other pictures of him looking similarly ‘roided.

    Maureen: You’re very welcome. I wish I’d put up the warning before several readers went blind.

    Och, thank you. No, no kilt, but maybe I should get one. I can wear it with my BILF T-shirt!

    DineometerDeb: Oh, you are very welcome, my friend. It’s always a pleasure.

  38. 38 Jillian

    Carrottop is looking kinda good.

    Jillian’s last blog post..Natural Flotation Devices or “Big Ole Titties”

  39. 39 JD

    Jillian: I’m scared for you. Or are you saying you held your thumb over his head and then thought he looked kinda good?

  40. 40 Vivien (Loves cosmetics) Timson

    This is a pretty good article. It is very hard to look good these days,if you don’t look one way you cannot be accepted, well you can just not like everyone else. Thanx for the article it was very nice!!!!

  41. 41 Donna

    I agree with Jeff – I think you’re more of an auburn. Whatever the case, you’re hair is beautiful!

    Oh, and windyridge – nope, I’m part Irish and “me” hair is almost black….than again, I was told I’m Black Irish so that may account for the dark hair.

    Donna’s last blog post..Menopause Or Is It “MANOPAUSE”

  42. 42 JD

    Donna: I’m quite happy with auburn. And thank you! I lived in Ireland for a few years and really didn’t see that many redheads. And moi Oirish boyfriend had black hair too!

  43. 43 Rob from Cosmetic Association

    Ah, you don’t look like a redhead to me. I don’t see why some look down on redheads though, the whole hype about “Kick a redhead day” and referring to redheads as “ginger kids” bothers me. All the redheads I know are very polite however :)


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