Apparently, I’m a redhead.
I don’t know when it happened. I’m not aware of coloring my hair or of my hair coloring itself, but in the last few years, people have started referring to me as a redhead.
I’m not even remotely offended at being called a redhead. Redheads are the coolest! Also the scariest (see above picture). I just think it’s a mistake. At best, I have brown hair with reddish highlights. I’m not sure that earns me a membership in the Redhead Club. I do have lots of freckles, but my skin is not that pale. I don’t have a fiery temperament, but I HAVE been called highly sexed and I am addicted to sugar. My dad’s family is from Scotland, home of the highest percentage of the world’s redheads. I have been known to wear green. I had some problems with sedation. I don’t consider myself good at “getting a dirty job done.”
Some Indisputable Evidence that I May Be a Redhead
A few years ago, a friend at an office where I used to freelance told me of a conversation she’d overheard, in which one of the parties had referred to me as a “stunning redhead.” Now, one of those words totally does not apply to me. But which one?
I recently visisted my eye doctor, convinced I had some sort of rare eyeball disease because my eyes are so sensitive to light (seriously, I wear my sunglasses at night). The doctor nonchalantly said, “Well, that’s very common in redheads.” Whaaaa?
After returning from Jamaica with my awe-inspiring tan, I was talking with an acquaintance about the dangers of burning. She said, “And you have to be especially careful, ‘cuz you’re a redhead.” Really? I am?
I did some investigating into my new cultural heritage of redheadedness and discovered that according to Greek mythology, redheads are believed to turn into vampires after they die. Now that is both awesome and scary.
Famous Scary Redheads
Carrot Top. (Warning! Click on the following link only if you have some bleach handy to rinse off your eyeballs). Have you seen this guy lately? He’s scarier than that scary-ass clown up at the top.
Phoebe Price. This is some sort of celebrity. Regardless. She’s scary and gives redheads a bad name.
Danny Bonaduce. Who’da thought cute little Danny from The Partidge Family would turn out like this.
Vincent Van Gough. I’m sorry—he’s talented and everything, but look at those eyes. He wants to kill me!
Do you think I’m a redhead?
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