I Am a Frightened Nerd

I don’t like spiders and snakes

I have a bone to pick with two of my favorite bloggers.

Oh, they know who they are. But YOU don’t, so sit right down and listen.

Maureen, from I’d Rather Be Blogging recently had the audacity to proclaim herself a nerd while simultaneously posting a photo of her cute junior-high self in a cheerleading outfit.

A cheerleading outfit.

OK, first of all, in 1972, when Maureen was flouncing about in her cheerleading outfit, I was . . . oh, wait! HAHAHAHA! Maureen is older than me! I was only 12. Take that, Cheerleader Maureen! But also? Shut up! You look gorgeous. “Nerd cheerleader” is an oxymoron. At least it was at my school, where only the cutest and shortest girls were chosen for this elite status.  Oh, how I wanted one of those pleated skirts and bulky sweaters! I was so jealous that they got to wear their uniforms all day on game days (why didn’t they just change later?).

They thought they were so cool. And they were right.

Maureen, you were not a nerd.

I, however, was both a nerd (I sang in the chorus and took part in the annual variety show [ingeniously named "Showtime"]) and a burnout (I smoked pot in “The Pit” and wore roach-clip earrings).

I don’t know exactly where that dual role got me. Singing Pothead? Stoned Soprano? Humph. It’s no Nerdy Cheerleader.

Babs, from Beetle Blog, I’m lookin’ at you next. Yes, you. You told the world about conquering one of your biggest fears, which involved allowing a giant snake to be draped around your neck.

Oh, how you bragged of facing your fear! Let’s all face our fears, you chortled! It feels so goooooooooooooooood.

But here’s my thing. Fears are not made to be faced. They are made to be avoided. That’s why they’re called fears. I personally am afraid of my fears and would rather not have to deal with them unless absolutely necessary. I’m afraid of flying, but I have to fly to get where I want to go, so I take my “nerve” pills and get on the plane. Actually, I quite like those pills, so I guess this doesn’t even count.

But other fears, like bungee-jumping or touching my belly button? Not gonna do it. I am afraid. Humans were made to have fears so we wouldn’t go around putting our hands in the fire (altho, based on my impressive collection of scars, this particular fear may have bypassed my nerve center).

Anyway, my point is: We’re all human, but I am pretty much right about everything. I embrace my nerdly fears. I only wish I could do so while wearing a cheerleading outfit. And smoking a big, fat doobie.

*         *         *

What are your biggest fears? Touching a snake? Touching a spider? Touching my belly button? Don’t even think about it!

______________________
Body of cheerleader came from here

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51 Comments


51 Responses to “I Am a Frightened Nerd”

  1. 1 Kate

    Y’know, I’m really with ya on the nerd thing. Nowadays it’s being bandied about as a somewhat endearing, self-deprecating label. “I’ve watched every episode of Real Housewives! I’m such a NERD!” or “Lulz I just read Twilight. NERD ALERT!”

    No, children, you are not nerds. Come gather ’round and let me tell you of the heady days of the late ’90s and early ’00s (stop laughing, JD!). Our story takes place at an unassuming Midwestern high school. There was a student at this high school who:
    1)Participated in not one, not two, not three, but *four* distinct orchestras, playing two instruments (sometimes in the same concert).
    2)Was varsity captain of her academic bowl team, and who took on only the most challenging projects on the science team.
    3)Lettered in all of the above, *plus* in academics, for all four years of her illustrious little career. Her jacket was as laden and impressive as any athlete’s, as long as you didn’t look too closely at the writing on each patch.
    4)Dabbled in literary criticism *for fun* and, she thought, to oftentimes humorous effect.
    5)Had about four friends and one very faithful and very nerdy (ultimately, *too* nerdy – even for her) boyfriend, and was blissfully unaware of the mocking that surely swirled about her on a daily basis.

    You tell me – who’s the real nerd? The “I accidentally read a book once!” type, or the sad little figure mentioned above?

    My name is Kate, and just as others before her have reclaimed terms like QUEER or BITCH, I’m reclaiming NERD. For all of nerd kind.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I go must nap with a biography of Einstein then piece a quilt while watching Lord of the Rings. Lazy Sunday, y’know.
    .-= Kate´s last blog ..A little survey =-.

  2. 2 babs - beetle

    Oh, but I wasn’t afraid of the snake, so it wasn’t brave at all really. Now the spider, that would have been brave of me.

    Just to inform you that my list of fears is so lo-oo-ooo-oo-o-ng that I bet I beat you! Flying, though I never thought to take pills for it. ANYTHING that involves heights – even climbing to the top of a small stepladder! Thunder & lightening, vomiting (I haven’t since I was 9 years old, because I simply refuse to). Spiders, Funfair rides, sharp knives, loose glass panes. Oh and so many more.

    Now the ‘Nerd’ thing…….

    I taught myself how to use a computer (not by reading books though) when they were not generally in use for business, let alone in the home, and became quite computer literate in both Windows and Mac platforms. Does that make me a nerd?
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..Frustrating conversations =-.

  3. 3 CatLadyLarew

    I can die a happy woman, having never gone bungee jumping. (Although, I’d probably die a lot sooner, were I to ever go bungee jumping.) And you’re positively correct about the “cheerleaders can never be nerds” thing. I lived through my greatest fear of being a nerd in high school. There is still life after nerddom… or continuing through nerddom. Whatever…
    .-= CatLadyLarew´s last blog ..And When I Die… =-.

  4. 4 Kathy

    I imagine you wouldn’t inspire a team very much if you were cheerleading with a doobie. “Go team, go. I’m hungry.”

    Fears? Let’s see. Heights, bugs that move fast, drowning, falling out a window. And Snookie.
    .-= Kathy´s last blog ..Please Don’t Remember Me Out Loud. Thanks. =-.

  5. 5 Pricilla

    As a goat I am very afraid of mountain lions. The mountain lion could come and eat me like it ate Fred the Farm cat. That would upset me very much although I suppose that after it ate me I would not know the difference….

    The publicist I WOULD HOPE is also afraid of the mountain lion eating me. She is also deathly afraid of anything with more than four legs except for lady bugs and praying mantises. Her screams amuse the heck out of the male person and have been known to send goats running.
    .-= Pricilla´s last blog ..Happy Father’s Day =-.

  6. 6 Daisy the Curly Cat

    When my Mommeh was in high school she was on the DRILL team. I think that is pretty nerdy. I am very skerred of loud noises. And the doorbell. And strangers.
    .-= Daisy the Curly Cat´s last blog ..Bee-ing Pretty =-.

  7. 7 puglette

    yes, if you were a cheerleader you were not a nerd. i did not think of myself as a nerd, but more of an outsider. i didn’t belong to any group, or so i thought. but i did hang out with the kids smoking joints. they were mostly in the drama club or musicians. very entertaining!

    and as for fears, well, i have tons of those. spiders, snakes, odd looking bugs of any variety. heights, bridges, and more!

    hubby used to drive wonky over bridges just to scare me, he thought it was funny. one time i got really angry and hollered at him, he doesn’t do that anymore.

    daughter had a boyfriend that was into snakes and reptiles. he gave her one and she hid it in her bedroom closet. this was during her surly phase. when i found out about it i pitched a fit and made her give it back. she and this boyfriend ended up moving to wyoming and living with hundreds of reptiles. it was awful!! fortunately, she is out of that phase.
    here’s to a fearless life!!
    hugs,
    puglette
    :P
    .-= puglette´s last blog ..From the Interwebs =-.

  8. 8 Surfie

    I was never a cheerleader either. I tried out once in sixth grade but not surprisingly did not make the cut. I’ve never even so much as dressed as a cheerleader for Halloween. And now my shapely-ness is not conducive to looking good in one, so I guess I’ve lost my chance.

    My biggest fear is cockroaches. I hate them! They give me the willies and make me paranoid. If I’m walking in the dark and see a something dark out of the corner of my eye I think, “Cockroach! Eeek! …Oh, wait. It was just a leaf.” It’s kind of silly and insane but it amuses my husband to no end.
    .-= Surfie´s last blog ..Dog Dials 911 =-.

  9. 9 Stephanie Barr

    Ha! I’m an uber nerd GOD (I have the little placard to prove it). Cheerleading? Ha, don’t make me laugh. I wasn’t cool enough to be in CHOIR! Plus I was taking physics and didn’t have the opportunity to take choir until college. And even then I took it for zero credits (because I already needed special permission for the hours I already had).

    That’s as nerdy as you get.

    As for fears. I’m afraid of heights (though not planes) and sharks. I get afraid of sharks in POOLS so you know I’m insane.

    Facing my fear of sharks? Not even I would want to be seen with a shark around my neck. Talk about tacky!
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..Regrouping =-.

  10. 10 Two Hands and a Roadmap

    One of my big fears is that I will somehow forget just how bad an idea it is to stick my hand into the garbage disposal, and then someone will walk into my kitchen and flip the wrong switch. Probably no more explanation is needed, and I’m pretty sure I won’t be facing that one anytime soon. I don’t care what utensils accidentally go down there; the disposal can have them.

    Cheerleading? Ha! I was lucky to be in marching band.
    .-= Two Hands and a Roadmap´s last blog ..Community-sponsored argh-riculture =-.

  11. 11 Patricia (Huzzah!)

    Alright, first off, I’d just like to say that J.D., I dreamed of you the other night. Not you-you, but your blog. It had to do with your blog name ending in a preposition. (Yes, I know, I know, traditional grammar and blah de blah de blah…but that was the dream.) I was trying to convince you that ‘I do things so that you don’t have to do them’ or ‘Those things you don’t want to do? I will do them for you.’ Yeah, nerds, take that, dreaming about grammar.

    Babs, I’d like to know how you just don’t allow yourself to vomit. As a serial puker, this is a skill I ought to learn–and perhaps a skill BP ought to be taught.

    I missed two years of school due to illness, but I was all about the drama club when I got on my feet again. I believe everyone thought they’d be the next Steve Gutenberg, but no such luck.

    Oh, and it didn’t help that I almost married a guy who kept a lego castle in his bedroom far, far, far after it should be acceptable and knew too much about Star Trek than is healthy.

  12. 12 Patricia (Huzzah!)

    P.S. If I’m arrested for the searches I did to illustrate my point on Maureen’s (I’d rather be blogging) post, would one or the two of you kindly lend me some bail money?

    Bingo! Fear! PRISON!

    And no, no amount of special pills would get me through prison. I refuse to face this fear.

  13. 13 JD

    Kate: All Hail, Kate, Queen of the Nerds! I think it was the literary criticism that sealed the deal for me. Hopefully all nerd wannabees and pretenders to the Nerd Throne will read your tale and learn the true meaning of “nerd.” I think even I will be more careful about using the term to describe myself — even after I’ve watched the entire 3-DVD set of Lord of the Rings WITH commentary and also special features. LULZ!

    babs – beetle: I know the snake wasn’t your biggest fear, but that was a pretty darn big snake, you must admit. Your “doodle face” looked rather frightened! I love that you have willed yourself not to vomit. How exactly does that work? Because in my experience, if it’s coming up, it’s coming up. Please share your secret. I’d say your teaching yourself how to use a computer qualifies you as a genius, not a nerd. Congratulations!

    CatLadyLarew: My mom always used to tell me that those cute cheerleaders had already peaked in high school. I hope she was right. I certainly feel I am STILL peaking, so there!

    Kathy: HAHAHAHA! Oh, that would be funny. And that’s exactly the sort of cheerleader I would’ve been, too. So you’re afraid of Snookie, too, eh? Is it the hair poof or the alarmingly orange skin tone?

    Pricilla: A mountain lion sounds like a very good thing to be afraid of. I share the publicist’s fear of four-legged creepy crawlies (including praying mantises — EWWW!) I don’t usually scream, tho. I just check into a motel.

    Daisy the Curly Cat: I think the drill team sounds kind of cool! Hey, it’s better than smoking pot on your lunch break. My cats are scared of the doorbell too, even when it rings on TV.

    puglette: I used to be very scared of bridges. There’s just something about seeing one in the distance, looking all high and scary and knowing you have to drive over it. I used to have to crawl into the backseat and hide when we went over a bridge, but I got over my fear when I had no choice but to drive over a scary bridge. I, too, would pitch a fit, tho, if Dave tried anything wonky while driving over a bridge. That is NOT funny!

    Surfie: I’m soooo glad the men in our lives find our terror of bugs so amusing. Man, I hate cockroaches too. I remember getting up in the middle of the night (college apartment) and turning on the light to find dozens of them scuttling around the kitchen counter. Gah.

    Stephanie Barr: All right, if Kate is the Nerd Queen, you are the Nerd God. You two will have to work out who does what. I hear you on the shark fear. Knowing they can get you in shallow water is terrifying. It’s just a short jump from shallow water to a swimming pool. Or your toilet.

    Two Hands and a Roadmap: Marching band is cool! I always wanted to play the trombone in a marching band. And wear one of those tall, feathery hats. We don’t have a garbage disposal, but I’m always afraid to get near my mom’s. I feel like maybe it has some kind of gravitational pull and can grab at my hand, even if it’s nowhere near the thing.

    Patricia (Huzzah!): HAR! Of all the things about my blog that could give you nightmares, grammar is definitely the nerdiest. Tho “Those things you don’t want to do? I will do them for you” has a nice ring to it. I would be very wary of a Lego castle. That’s just a little . . . scary.

    As for your comment on Maureen’s post: HAHAHAHA! Yeah, I searched on “cheerleader” to find a good image for my post, and even THAT word led to some . . . porn-y-looking photos. Don’t worry. We’ll come up with the bail money. I just hope you don’t puke in prison until we can bust you out.

  14. 14 moooooog35

    My biggest fear is making up the worst comment ever.

    Like this one.

    Wow. And just like that I’m over it.

    THANKS FOR THE HELP!
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Tortoise Embryos and Robot Anal Probes =-.

  15. 15 Anne

    I can beat your nerd story. My high school didn’t even have cheerleaders. Apparently we were all so nerdy that none of us qualified. My biggest fear is definitely snakes and I have no desire to face it. In fact, I saw a snake once and locked myself in the car, refusing to come out. I still want to move but who will buy a house that once had a snake in the yard?

  16. 16 meleah rebeccah

    ” Fears are not made to be faced. They are made to be avoided. That’s why they’re called fears.” Ahahahhahaha. Agreed!

    I am TERRIFIED of Spiders, Snakes, Heights, Bridges, Flying & Public Speaking!

    And I seriously don’t believe YOU were ever a NERD. You are way too cool in my book. However, I do LOVE me some nerds!
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Where Does All The Time Go? =-.

  17. 17 Patricia (Huzzah!)

    I haven’t seen Lego Castle in a long time, which is a good thing, because I can cut a biatch.

    Lego Castle was from a country in Eastern Europe.* We’d be shackin’ it for a good while when I went to visit the family in the old country. At 3AM, in his aunt’s kitchen, he drops to one knee, says the speech, and asks the swoon-inducing question. I said yes, to which he immediately replied, I sheeeet you not: ‘Good, maybe you’ll help out around the house more now.’

    Seriously.

    His huevos rancheros were in perfect kicking position in that kneel, but I had to hold it together and play happy couple until the end of the trip, because I was in the middle of the country, didn’t know the language terribly well, and had no money, or my plane ticket home. (Looking back, a mistake of epic stupidity, but live and learn.)

    *Name of country concealed to protect its very nice people and culture from Lego Castle’s uberdickdom.

  18. 18 puglette

    yes, my driving over bridges s much better since i had a commute over a mile long bridge for three years.

    hubby is quite the prankster. he once put a snake under an outhouse door when his poor mom was in there. she screamed and ran out.

    wonky driving included swerving the car back and forth, to my dismay, getting us really close to the edges. he used to do it on cliff side roads as well.

    he’s a laugh riot, i tell you!
    ;P
    .-= puglette´s last blog ..From the Interwebs =-.

  19. 19 Ron

    Ok, my fears…..

    Heights, spiders, palmetto bugs, flying, performing on stage, hospitals, change. I’m pretty much afraid of a lot of things, but I’m one of those people who hates to be afraid, so I embrace and conquer them.

    However, the next time I embrace my fears, I think I’m going to take your advice and try doing it while wearing a cheerleading outfit. And smoking a big, fat doobie.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    X
    .-= Ron´s last blog ..Viagra for Women? =-.

  20. 20 Bill Wainright

    i think it is tough to put people in these divisions these days, now i know that people can change and it is interesting to see people go through that kind of transformation.

  21. 21 Lola

    I took one of those quizzes on okcupid dot com. Nerd/Geek/Dork. I came up 52% Nerd, 35% Geek and 57% dork. And I did win Lin’s firs dork off. Yeah, I’m a dork, so what of it?

    Lin and I met up with CG last week. I had to kill a spider at the hotel to save Lin! It was funny. So when are we meeting up with you?????
    .-= Lola´s last blog ..2010 Blogger Meetup =-.

  22. 22 Margaret (Nanny Goats)

    OK, I can’t top Kate. I’m just going to declare her the winner and go home. I thought I was a nerd and instead I’m just a second-rate nerd AND a loser.

    Wait a second, what does it mean when we have people BRAGGING about who the biggest nerd was?
    .-= Margaret (Nanny Goats)´s last blog ..Bathrooms That Freak People Out =-.

  23. 23 Lauren

    Spiders and flying with or without a plane, preferably with if I have to be up in the sky at all. Being catapulted would also put me airborne. I’ll include that, as well as fear of heights. Interesting that spiders seem to have no fear of heights while dangling by a thread from a ceiling, kind of like bungee jumping.

    Fear of drowning is another one. So, I’m a wreck when flying (in a plane) over water. Throw in a spider or a strange alien creature gnawing on the wing of the plane, and I’d be ready for the rubber room. Not to be confused with Romper Room. More like the Twilight Zone, not Twilight, although vampires are way cooler than aliens. Coincidentally, spiders are nocturnal like vampires. I bet my fears are all related somehow – likely distant cousins on my mother’s side.
    .-= Lauren´s last blog ..Opposite George’s Approach to Job Hunting. =-.

  24. 24 MomZombie

    Nerds do seem to have more clout nowadays than back in the day. So many of the true nerds at my school followed in the footsteps of Bill Gates. They’re rich! And richerer as each moment passes.
    There weren’t any nerd cheerleaders at my school, either. I did not want to be a cheerleader. I was just a straight-up, art class burnout. No choir or band or anything to throw off the scent. Pun intended.
    As for fears, I fear all cheerleaders.
    .-= MomZombie´s last blog ..Post Father’s Day post =-.

  25. 25 Shane

    Snakes are my big fear. I’m far more physically terrified by a harmless garden snake then I am by a charging grizzly – which is far worse. And I’ve had to deal with both, but the charging bear scared me less. I never said I was rational…but keep the (explicative) snakes completely away from me.
    .-= Shane´s last blog ..Canada Pike Fishing =-.

  26. 26 Lin

    I hate those cheerleaders. They ALL say they were nerdy so that we can all, once again, tell them how cool they were. Over and over again. Okay, so you were cool–ONCE–and it was LONG ago. Put away the stupid skirt and grow up. I’m done stroking your ego.

    Whew. That was cathartic.

    Moving on to fears. Oh THANK GOD! I am not the only person who hates her belly button touched??! My PT went there for my evaluation last week and I freaked out! I actually screamed and it scared her. She said she never had that reaction from anyone before. Really??! There are people who want you touching them there?? Even her hand up my hiney isn’t as invasive and the belly button thing.

    As for spiders–Heck, Lola had to save me the other day from an attack. She is very brave and my new hero.

    Hey, we met CardioGirl last week–you are NEXT!
    .-= Lin´s last blog ..Meet The Pallies =-.

  27. 27 Jen

    I lived in that funny inbetween land of nerd and burnout too. Come to think of it most of the people I hung out with were both. However I might have you topped in the nerd part because while I enjoyed hanging out with the burnouts I didn’t enjoy smoking pot. I was a wannabe burnout.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..I Won The Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes! =-.

  28. 28 JD

    moooooog35: That’s what I’m here for. I shall look forward to only stellar comments from now on.

    Anne: HA! I certainly would not buy a house that once had a snake in the yard, I can tell you that. I’m afraid we won’t be able to sell our house when the time comes because there was a mouse in it once. No cheerleaders at all sounds like a good setup. That way, the nerds can’t feel jealous.

    meleah rebeccah: Aw, that’s nice of you to say. Maybe I am that rare breed of “Cool Nerd”? I’m gratified that some of you are also afraid of bridges. I thought I was the only one.

    Patricia (Huzzah!): Oh, MAN! How could you not snap up that tantalizing offer? Lego Castle clearly just wanted more time to himself to play with his . . . castle; it’s not unreasonable. So, did you ever get your knee deep into those huevos? I need to know.

    puglette: Oh, man! I do NOT think that’s funny! Nor the snake in the outhouse! Even tho I am laughing a little, I will admit. Altho, it probably wouldn’t take a snake to make me run, screaming out of an outhouse.

    Bill Wainright: Yup. But I like to think there is still a frightened nerd deep inside my cool exterior.

    Lola: Yay, Dorks of the World! I saw all your posts about the meet-up! That’s awesome. Name the time and place, and I am THERE. (And I’ll try not to hug anyone.)

    Margaret (Nanny Goats): Now I’m all confused. At first I thought it was good to be Queen of the Nerds, but . . . I just don’t know. I do know this: YOU are not a second-rate ANYthing. If you’re a nerd (or a loser), you are first-rate.

    Lauren: Your mind is a freakishly wonderful place, isn’t it? I’m afraid of drowning too. I hate flying over water. That Twilight Zone episode is a classic, even if it could never happen. Or COULD it?

    MomZombie: You sound very wise indeed. And I agree: nerds nowadays are trendy. Back in my day, nerdliness was next to deathliness. An art class burnout sounds pretty cool to me, tho. Kind of like a beatnik.

    Shane: Fears are irrational by nature, I think. Why am I afraid of mold? But you’re going to have to share more about that bear story. Maybe you went into a fight-or-flight mode, but with the snake, you just went into scaredy-girlie mode? (Kidding. Snakes are terrifying to everyone.)

    Lin: Wow! I hope Maureen doesn’t take this personally! But I know exactly how you feel. Arrrggghhh — those cheerleaders! In other news, OMG! A fellow belly button toucher-hater???? I’ve never met one in my LIFE! When I told my doctor about it (just in case something was wrong with me), I had to do so with a Dixie cup over the region (which was fully clothed), in case she dove in to poke at it. I did eventually allow her to look at it, but the Dixie cup hovered protectively nearby. I read about your adventures with Lola and CG! I am IN for the next meetup!

    Jen: Aw! That’s much healthier, I think. I have a feeling all that pot I smoked contributed to my memory loss. Or else it was the poppers. Either way.

  29. 29 absepa

    Young nerds these days have no idea how we suffered before it was kind of cool to be nerdy. They have “Big Bang Theory” and Stephen Hawking and all those new teen movies with that little dorky-looking kid who still manages to score with the hot chick, but we just got picked on and tortured. I was in chorus, too, and I always had my nose stuck in a book. I was so relieved to have junior high behind me.

    My biggest fear is spiders. I read an article once about that kind of therapy where you learn to overcome your fear by being immersed in it. While it would be really awesome to not break into a cold sweat at the sight of a spider, I’m pretty sure the immersion thing would make me die from a heart attack.
    .-= absepa´s last blog ..Dear footwear industry, you’ve done it again =-.

  30. 30 Princess Stupidhead (Janine)

    I can’t even talk about my fears. It’s bad juju.

    ps: note new blog address.
    .-= Princess Stupidhead (Janine)´s last blog ..More Vacation Pictures =-.

  31. 31 Viveca from FatigueBeGone

    I was never a nerd by my definition of the word. My nerds friends were either brilliant, straight A students or total loners. I’ve lived my life visiting point but never staying except to say hi!

    Never smoked much pot. The few times I did I either passed out in a public spot (the pick up food counter in McDonalds) or became even more anxious and paranoid than I already am. This must have been God’s way of keeping my paws off of something since I certainly clung to smoking looooonnnng after all my friends, nerds and all, have given up the nails.

    As I age I am getting less scared of confrontation with people which was always a biggy. That’s a good thing. I will never face many of my remaining, life-preserving fears, unless I absolutely must in order to save the life of an innocent dog or cat. I’d expect my husband to be able to handle his own.

    I love your topics. And, yes, I was in the bleachers to you most of the gang. The view was great from there. Also warmer, cooler, more comfortable and chattier …

    Happy Tuesday!

  32. 32 Patricia (Huzzah!)

    J.D.:

    I called my mother (oh, I don’t know what I would do without her) and she removed everything that was mine from the apartment whilst we were still gone. Yes, an asshat move, but in asshat chess that’s how the game was played. Most of the furniture, cooking things, bed, television, and washer dryer were mine, so the place looked destitute. In reverse fairy tale, I never saw him again, although I did see some of his wedding pictures (ahh, the interwebz, you’re so good at the stalking) and just felt terribly, terribly sorry for the poor woman.

  33. 33 JD

    absepa: My point exactly. The immersion just seems like a way for a sadistic therapist to watch you lose your shit. Does it really help? I don’t see how. And I’m certainly not going to volunteer to try it out.

    Princess Stupidhead (Janine): Thanks for the update. You may be the smartest one here. The rest of us no doubt are inviting bad juju right into our front door.

    Viveca from FatigueBeGone: I love reading your comments. I guess I, too, would have to face a fear in order to save or protect an innocent animal. They’d better be grateful, tho.

    Ron: Pleeeeeeeeeze take a picture of yourself in that cheerleading outfit. I think it would help a lot of us face our fears. As long as we were stoned!

    Patricia (Huzzah!): Aren’t moms great? I’ve no doubt my mom would’ve done the same if I’d found myself in that situation. So did you even have to go back to the apartment? I would’ve loved to have seen his face. (At least she didn’t touch the Lego Castle, right?)

  34. 34 erin

    I must admit I am pretty much an all-around scaredy cat. I fear a lot of things. I am not a risk taker. Roller coasters even frighten me. Of the things that I am sometimes forced to deal with in my normal day-to-day life I would have to say public speaking tops the list. Also, bees. I was stung on the eye when I was really little and been pretty petrified ever since.
    .-= erin´s last blog ..Sunset at the Lake =-.

  35. 35 New Jersey Memories

    I remember reading Maureen’s Wayback Machine post about being a cheerleader (she was even the cheerleading captain in 9th grade) after all her talk of being a nerd. I was surprised. She even posted her picture from that time, and she was very cute. This is the rule: if you were ever a cheerleader in school you simply cannot be a nerd. Even if you quit cheerleading. If you were the frigging cheerleading CAPTAIN, you have goddess status for the rest of your academic career. You can get straight A’s, go to MIT, and win the Nobel Prize, but you were still a CHEERLEADER!!!

    I was much too shy and uncoordinated to be a cheerleader. I was the type who read 4,000 books in high school.

    As for fears, I hate bugs, Any kind, but especially roaches. I also have a general distaste for rodents, too.
    .-= New Jersey Memories´s last blog ..Mad Librarians =-.

  36. 36 meleah rebeccah

    PS: You look SMOKING *hot* as a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader!

    PPS: But I suspect you look SMOKING *hot* no matter what you are dressed in. After all, I have seen you [via VIDEO] after being in the hospital for five days!
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..People Watching =-.

  37. 37 Tracy

    I’m afraid to read your blog any more! Why did you have to mention belly buttons? They are so vulnerable! So damn vulnerable!

    From now on, we will only communicate with each other via messages left in the comments section of other people’s blogs.
    .-= Tracy´s last blog ..End Writer’s Block: The Tracy Method =-.

  38. 38 JD

    erin: I’m afraid of roller coasters too. I used to love them, and now I can’t even imagine working up the courage to just sit in the car, unmoving. WOW! You really earned your fear of bees, didn’t you? Bees are terrifying and wrong and really shouldn’t be allowed.

    New Jersey Memories: Hear, hear! And I didn’t even know Maureen was a cheerleading captain. MAUREEN! We’re coming for you. You’re going to have to turn in your Nerd Card, I’m afraid.

    meleah rebeccah: I DO, don’t I??? But then I think anyone would, with that body. As for your lovely PPS: No. I think hospitals must just agree with me, because usually? It’s pretty scary.

    Tracy: Oh, no! I don’t want you to be afraid of my blog. Just forget I ever mentioned belly buttons . . . OOPS! Please! Come back!

  39. 39 Maureen

    Ouch.

  40. 40 Florida Girl in Sydney

    I have been sooo absent from the internet, but I’m feeling right back at home here coming over and seeing you’re still right about everything!! At least I’ve got one person I can really count on!

    Nerdy cheerleaders, that’s hilarious.

    I am the biggest chicken on the face of the earth. Don’t do rollercoasters, hesitant around escalators, scared of hot stuff, petrified of seeing a shark in the ocean. Violent or scary movies give me nightmares. Omigod, I am such a big freaking chicken, it’s redonkulous.

  41. 41 Danielle

    What a crack up! I would say I am a nerd for sure and putting on a cheerleaders outfit and even attempting to do something that looks like dancing would terrify me. That enormous snake sounds much less scary
    .-= Danielle´s last blog ..Education is Important for Massage Therapy Certification =-.

  42. 42 Straight Guy

    I can tie both of your concerns together and admit that I was afraid of cheerleaders. I know it seems a cliche, but in my school they had confidence and charisma to spare, while many of us were lacking in the social skills department. They weren’t snobby or mean, just unapproachable and intimidating.

    But I can’t pass up the opportunity to question your fear of your own belly button. What did it ever do to you? Or is this something far more existential… connection, creation, identity, etc?

  43. 43 Jay

    Hahahahahaha!! I hear you on the Cheerleader thing – not that we had them here when I was in school, but there were similarly chosen, cute and uniformed girls who were the subject of envy.

    Fears? Mmmmmm … let me think. Do banana slugs count? I mean, slugs have long been an inexplicable shudder inducer for me (I LIKE snails, for goodness’ sake, and slugs are only ‘homeless’ snails, right?), and you can’t get more sluggier than the banana slug. Just typing about them is making me cringe.
    .-= Jay´s last blog ..ABC Wednesday with the greyhounds – the letter ‘W’ =-.

  44. 44 Kathleen Kaufman

    ah jeese, I thought I posted a reply to this thread awhile ago, but evidently I’m an incompetent ninmumpoop (sp?)

    I don’t fear actual cheerleaders anymore, but living in LA, I have learned to fear the Beverly Hills/Brentwood women who are essentially overgrown cheerleaders. They might look fragile, but they will destroy you.

    I am also a phonaphobe, I only use my cell mostly because I can clearly see who is calling me and I can easily ignore it. I hate talking on the phone most of all, I will go to great lengths to avoid it.

    Is that a fear or an extension of some kind of generally well controlled social anxiety?
    .-= Kathleen Kaufman´s last blog ..Arizona- Land of Horrors =-.

  45. 45 kathryn

    I’ll admit…it surprises me a bit that for someone who is so…unencumbered with showing her body would have a problem with a little, teeny indent. I did not see that coming.

    What’s the diff between fear and phobia? Nerds and geeks?

    I’m a Gleek and damn proud of it.

    Do you know that A&E has a show called “OBSESSION”?? Ppl with SEVERE fears/phobias, etc…with cameras following them around.

    I wonder how many ppl BECOME phobic after watching one of those shows??
    .-= kathryn´s last blog ..Implied =-.

  46. 46 Corrina

    My biggest fear was heights, so I went bungee jumping and got over it. I really dislike flying, but I don’t think it’s a phobia, since I do it from time to time and I don’t freak out. Cocktails help. lol

    I’m the spider slayer in my home, as My Love is deathly afraid of them. He’s so manly until a spider sits on him (or even gives him some stank eye), then he screams like a girl and jumps around like Tom Cruise on Oprah. One of these days I’m going to video that and make some money! lol

    I am also (still) a very big nerd… and proud of it. :-) If it came down to it, I could always hit a cheerleader with my brain. LOL I’m just glad my uni-brow didn’t follow me into adulthood. THAT was not cute.
    .-= Corrina´s last blog ..When Egos Attack =-.

  47. 47 JD

    Maureen: Oh, Maureen, I’m sorry! I hope you didn’t take offense at my poking fun at your un-nerdiness. I didn’t mean it to be “ouchy” at all. You know I love you and think you’re awesome.

    Florida Girl in Sydney: Welcome back! YES! Another fellow hesitant escalator rider. I had a terrifying escalator experience. Perhaps it’s time to share it. You are NOT a big freaking chicken. All the fears you listed sound perfectly normal to me.

    Danielle: Snake or cheerleader? Hmmm. I’d have to go with cheerleader.

    Straight Guy: I’d like to imagine that there’s a deep, dark meaning to my fear of my belly button — like maybe I had a traumatic umbilical cord-severing — but I think it’s just a weird quirk. Now, please. Let us never speak of it again.

    Jay: Hee! I like your description of slugs as homeless snails, but that doesn’t mean I like slugs. And there’s something especially horrifying about the banana slug. Brrrr.

    Kathleen Kaufman: Huh. I wonder what happened? I’m sure the fault is at my end, somehow. I share your phonaphobia. I use a cell only for emergencies and for ordering sushi (too lazy to look up the number). I say we call it a fear. That makes it sound way more important than just anxiety.

    kathryn: It might seem strange, but even naked people have at least one issue with their bodies. Mine just happens to be that teeny indent. I much prefer your term to the dreaded “belly button.” How horrifying. I’m a Gleek too! I watched a bit of “Obsession,” as it seemed like the next logical step after “Hoarders.” It made me feel like maybe I’m not obsessed ENOUGH!

    Corrina: Oh, pleeeeeeeeeze video your sweetie squealing like a squealy girl! I will even pay money to watch that. I would also like to see you hit someone with your brain. Do you have to remove it first?

  48. 48 Ashley

    I didn’t have the privelage of growing up in the 80′s, only the privelage of coming into the world during that sweet, sweet decade.
    I WAS the doobie smoking cheerleader during my high school years of 2001-2004. Being stoned and the peppy-ness balanced each other out. And yes, it was the best of both worlds :)

  49. 49 Penny

    I’m afraid of drowning in the bathtub and handsome firemen finding me. Oh, yeah, I guess it doesn’t matter then. But I hate the shame associated with it that will fall upon the shoulders of my grown children.
    .-= Penny´s last blog ..Purple crayons =-.

  50. 50 JD

    Ashley: Wow, I’m in awe of you. How I longed to be the stoned cheerleader type. It does indeed sound like the best of both worlds. Also, good to know high school students are still smoking pot!

    Penny: HA! Your children may feel shame, but what a great story they will have to tell THEIR children.

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