I Do Things So You Don’t Have To

It’s just a jab in my vein Making me scream out in pain again Image courtesy of D at Seafood Punch! Oh, how I wish I could describe for you exactly what goes on during a bunionectomy. But for some weird reason, they insist on knocking you out if there’s going to be any bone-sawing, [...]

Wheeeee! I am officially bunionless! Thank you to everyone who wished me well, and to those who didn’t? HA! It went just fine anyway. I wonder why all this bunion talk has made me so hungry for Funyuns? ANYway, I’m done. And since I’m currently at this moment NOT swallowing handfuls of Vicodin, I thought [...]

Wow! It’s been a rough couple of weeks here at I Do Things. I’ve been hurt, scarred, and now deformed. But don’t worry, my young friends. It’s not the bad kind of deformity (ie, Elephant Man-itis). It’s just my foot. Next week I’ll be undergoing a dangerous procedure to remove that gross bump under my [...]

You ain’t afraid to stick it in Well, yesterday was the big event. There were no potatoes. No blood, no screaming, no name-calling. Just a lot of watery wax. I’m sorry. Are you eating breakfast right now? Yesterday I got my ears flushed out after a delicious four-day eardrop regime that left me weak and [...]

I’ve been thinking of a new sensation I’m picking up a good vibration OH! Ear drops—drops Let’s start at the beginning. No, let’s start in the middle. I am addicted to eardrops. Hey, it’s not THAT weird! Surely I’m not the only one who enjoys that delicious tickly feeling when the drops gently trickle into [...]

Tell me why, tell me why, why d’you have to lie? Gather ’round, everyone, and hear the tale of a 10-year-old JD: a lying, faking, selfish monster of a child who needlessly worried her parents and spent innocent taxpayer’s money, just for a little attention. Kids! Craving Attention? You will need: 1 head the ability to [...]