I Do Things So You Don’t Have To

Shot through the butt And you’re to blame You give butts A BAD NAME Hi! I had to get a shot the other day, and I thought I’d share my experience with you. I know many of y’all are squeamish (I first typed “squeamous”!) about getting a shot, so let Dr. JD take you through [...]

Well, the tongue inside my mouth is not for sale Thanks to little pixie for the photo. ______________________ Recently I was told I had a flat throat. After a sleep study and CT scan, a diagnosis has been made. But I think I would’ve been better off not knowing. It’s not my enlarged thyroid. It’s [...]

Why can’t I breathe? This picture came from here. Woo-eeeee! Sounds fancy, don’t it? You’re probably wondering what the hell I’m doing, sitting here blogging when I should be in an intensive care unit with a giant tube down my throat. But it’s not that exciting, I’m afraid. In fact, it’s pretty damn dull. Damnit! [...]

You think you’re tired now, but wait until three Buy this clock here! 0 What if I did a sleep study and nothing funny happened? I guess I’d write about it anyway. Maybe some of you would like to know what went on. I was to report at 7:30 PM, which, conveniently, is my bedtime. [...]

That’s okay with me I’ll cry later on Last week a kindly doctor performed an act upon my body so vile, so heinous, so . . . anatomically bizarre that I can only call it rape. Rape of the nose. Remember my goiter? Well, my thyroid doctor thinks it may be crushing my throat when [...]

It’s nothin’ dangerous I feel no pain A warning: THERE WILL BE BLOOD Only, like, a drop. But still, I wish someone had warned me. My de-bunionized foot was unveiled today! After 2 long weeks, the gauze bandage would be removed and my foot would once again breathe fresh air. This all would have been [...]