I Do Things So You Don’t Have To

  My hair like Jesus wore it Hallelujah, I adore it Look, I didn’t get where I am today without a lot of on-the-fly thinking and improvisational wizardry. Who else but JD could come up with this dog poo scraper-off-er? That’s just pure genius AND it came right off the top of my head, yo. So a [...]

Sometimes justice you will find Is just dumb not color-blind Please read Part I here. Or not. Oh, man! I can’t believe it! I’m in a courtroom! Coughing! We were led here by a bailiff who looks and sounds exactly like Maya Rudolph. That’s an omen of some sort. There are 18 of us, a [...]

With a heave and a ho Well, I just couldn’t let them donuts go So guess what? Having a head cold does not get you out of jury duty. When I called to find out if I actually had to appear at the downtown courthouse this past Wednesday, there was no recorded option: “If you [...]

Don’t believe what you read Do you believe what you read? No, I don’t believe what I read There are a lot of food myths and urban legends floating around out there. What to believe? Whom can you trust? By God, is anything safe to eat in these troubled times? The answer is yes. But [...]

The next time you’re working in your yard, and you come across one of those shingles from when your roof almost blew off, don’t throw it away! Because in addition to shingles, you never know what you’re going to find out there.     A shingle such as this makes an excellent dog poo scraper-off-er! [...]

Oh! The pain in my arms! Oh! The pain in my legs! Oh, my shiftless body. * So you may have heard that Chicago held its annual marathon on Sunday, October 9, on what everyone assumed would be a crisp, cool autumn day. Well, you know what they say about assumptions. On that 90-degree Sunday, [...]