Archive for the 'I Know Things' Category
I Went to a Polish Wedding Reception so you don’t have to
33 Comments Published by JD August 28th, 2010 in I Eat Stuff, I Know Things.Hey, little sister, shot gun!
Yes, in my version of a Polish wedding, I get to marry Gabriel Byrne while Claire Danes looks on in confusion.
But this wasn’t my wedding. Hell, we didn’t even GO to the wedding, because the deal was: wedding at 11:30, reception at 6:30, at a venue far, far away in another [...]
33 Comments
I Got Covered in Tar so you don’t have to
43 Comments Published by JD August 17th, 2010 in I Know Things.Su-su-sushi don’t you cry
Take you to the sushi bar and buy you some
Fillet and claw
Clam and tuna
Gonna eat it raw
So then there was that time I was covered in tar.
The end.
Oh, you want details. Well, you would.
Listen, y’all can get covered in tar all by yourselves. You don’t need me to do it! Here’s how [...]
43 Comments
Jump by your will or be taken by force
I’ll get you either way
Trying to keep the hellfire lit
I am stalking you as prey
Welcome! Professor JD here. You might already be familiar with my esteemed colleague Dr. JD, who helps troubled and diseased souls across the Internet with their medical issues.
My role is similar. If you [...]
53 Comments
I Might Be a Secret Agent
53 Comments Published by JD April 13th, 2010 in I Am Kind of Awesome, I Know Things.They’ve given you a number and taken away your name
Let’s blame this one on lack of sleep, shall we?
First off, I have an iPod Touch. Man, it’s awesome. I love it like a boyfriend, even tho that “Vibrate” function doesn’t work. Pity. What it DOES do is play music and . . . apps. It [...]
53 Comments
Um . . .
Last night, while reading my favorite news publication, I found out that I’m supposed to be wearing a bra.
This whole “bra” craze has totally passed me by. In fact, I’ve never been very preoccupied with my breastal area.
I do vaguely recall being 16 and reading about a young woman who was a [...]
70 Comments
My Mom Shakes It so you don’t have to
58 Comments Published by JD October 28th, 2009 in I Know Things.Years from now when you talk about this
—and you will—
be kind.
My mom is 74.
She has COPD.
And a few other issues.
This week her COPD rehab class is having a Halloween party.
My mom is going as a belly dancer.
And she will dance.
You got a problem with that?
‘Cuz she doesn’t.
DANCE, MOM, DANCE!
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58 Comments
