Archive for the 'I Know Things' Category

Years from now when you talk about this
—and you will—
be kind.

My mom is 74.
She has COPD.
And a few other issues.
This week her COPD rehab class is having a Halloween party.
My mom is going as a belly dancer.
And she will dance.
You got a problem with that?

‘Cuz she doesn’t.
DANCE, MOM, DANCE!
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58 Comments

I Met My Creepy Neighbor

I’ve always wanted to have a neighbor just like you

Pretty L-of-the-V came from here

Oh, peeps, this was so creep-ay!
When we moved into our house 11 years ago, the previous owners told us they had never seen the elderly woman two doors down but that her daughter came around every so often to bring her supplies [...]




38 Comments

I Make Acute Observations

Is it just me, or . . .

Kobe Bryant

Ed Grimley
. . . is the Kobe Scowl suddenly not all that menacing?
_________________________
Watch! Kobe scowl
Watch! Ed Grimley waiting for Christmas




21 Comments

I Crush Children’s Dreams

Oh, hello!
Who’s this friendly fellow?
I was hoping you could tell me.
You know those flyers you get from landscaping companies? They get shoved in your door and inevitably fall off, littering your yard, so that more landscaping companies are attracted to your poor ugly lawn and stick more flyers in your door?
Usually I just pluck the [...]




57 Comments

I Get Hurt

Now watch his head explode

Illustration courtesy of D at SeafoodPunch!
A few weeks ago, I fell down the basement stairs. I literally tripped over my own foot and, because I was carrying some laundry (which we all know is delicate and breakable), in order to avoid dropping the laundry, I fell rather awkwardly. I did some [...]




49 Comments

I Improvise

My hair like Jesus wore it
Hallelujah, I adore it

Look, I didn’t get where I am today without a lot of on-the-fly thinking and improvisational wizardry. Who else but JD could come up with this dog poo scraper-off-er? That’s just pure genius AND it came right off the top of my head, yo.
So a few weeks ago I [...]




43 Comments




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