I Do Things So You Don’t Have To

The week ends the week begins It was a quiet, sultry day. All was as you would expect it to be on a broiling May afternoon in the Chicago suburbs. The ceiling fan pushed the feeble breeze throughout the house, while giant mutant ants invaded the kitchen, seeking refuge from the pitiless sun. As I [...]

Oh, hi. Things are pretty busy around here right now. Can I help you? No? OK, then. Are you still here? I’m not sure what to tell you. Perhaps you should come back this weekend. I hear there’s going to be a post about something called an “em-ar-eye.” Er . . . Good-bye!

Me thinks it would look better when cut from ear to ear Barber pole came from here Ah, Sundays. Lazy mornings. Dunkin’ Donuts. 3-hour naps. Fast-food supper. Long, hot days. Cool sea haze. Jukebox plays . . . oh, wait that’s something different. I do love Sundays, don’t you? But THIS Sunday is Haircut Sunday. [...]

I can take a little pain I can hold it pretty well Painful spine came from here Lately, I’ve been getting zapped. Not this kind of “Zapped!” No, I’m talking about the sensation I get from my beloved portable TENS unit. Yes! Thanks to chronic back pain, I get my own little magic zapping machine. [...]

I know it’s kind of late But Happy Birthday Ummm . . . I don’t know how to put this tactfully, so I’ll just come right out and say it: You forgot Prudence’s birthday. She turned one, if you care. I wouldn’t mind so much, except she was really excited. Now, I realize you don’t [...]

Thanks to everyone who helped me figure out Prudence’s newest “toy.” I still can’t say with any certainty exactly what it is, but thanks to y’all, I can at least narrow it down: It most likely is . . .”one of the little clippies that holds the pants onto the hanger”—submitted (first) by Jenn of [...]