I Do Things So You Don’t Have To

When it comes to getting a dirty job done,
I’ll take a red-headed woman

Apparently, I’m a redhead.
I don’t know when it happened. I’m not aware of coloring my hair or of my hair coloring itself, but in the last few years, people have started referring to me as a redhead.
I’m not even remotely offended at being called [...]

And it used to be for a while
That the river flowed right to my door

Yesterday my mother-in-law asked me if I still had my wedding dress. Oh, how badly I wanted to lie. But I’m trying to be more honest—in speech if not in actions—so out came the truth, as gently as I could word it:
Nope! I [...]

Mirror in the bathroom
Please don’t freak
The door is locked
It’s just JD

I have sat on my last wet toilet seat. 
I mean it. No more public bathrooms. From now on, I’m just going to hold it. Voluntary urine retention doesn’t cause your bladder to burst, so as long as I can wait till I get home, I’m good [...]

Could you take my picture
‘Cause I won’t remember

How often have you said to yourself, If only pictures could talk. Never? Well, pretend you said it. What would pictures say about you? More importantly, what would pictures say about me?
For today and today only, I will open up my home to the roving eye of the [...]

But I said no, no, no, no-no-no

It occurred to me the other day that I was going to have to address the inevitable issue of just what I Won’t Do. I’d hate to disappoint you somewhere down the line by refusing to do something you really had your heart set on me doing so you don’t [...]

Now look at them yo-yo’s, that’s the way you do it
You play the guitar on the MTV *    *
 
 

 I believe the word “freakish” was recently used to describe the above photo, so, of course, I rushed to publish it for the world to see.  
That’s me, JD, in 1983 (OK, 1984, but that doesn’t sound [...]