I Do Things So You Don’t Have To

If you give in to these people, then . . . you give in! Cor dear, as Gordon Ramsay and other British people say. I always knew it would happen some day, I just hoped it wouldn’t be so soon. Yup. Your beloved JD has received a death threat. I’m sure it’s the first of [...]

Who you gonna call? My lawyer! An eagle-eyed reader sent me the most incriminating e-mail attachment the other day. In order to protect her anonymity, I will refrain from naming her. But! You should totally check out her awesome photo blog here! Er, perhaps she’s not so anonymous anymore. But I know you can keep [...]

Who are you to judge me? I know I said recently that I’m not the type to judge, but I NEVER said I was not the type to LIE, so that stuff about not judging was a big lie. Sorr-ee. You’d better believe I judge. And most of my judgments end in a dramatic thumbs-down. [...]

Every breath you take Every peep you make I’ll be watching you Image courtesy of Hosting with the Most Zing OK. I’m exhausted. I watched almost all day yesterday. I didn’t get any work done. Then I was up all night. Watching. Worrying. Waiting. Wondering. I need some help. I’m looking for volunteers, but if [...]

I’m a model, you know what I mean And I do my little turn on the catwalk Do you know Fred? If you do, you are under the age of 12. Welcome, Children of the Internet! If you don’t, you’re like me. Old and out of it and—according to my 10- and 12-year-old nieces, CD [...]

Oh, say, can you see My eyes—if you can Then my hair’s too short Yo, I didn’t cut it myself. A nice guy named Tony cut it. 5 inches! 5 pounds! Here’s the before picture: AH HA HA HA HA! I’m kidding. Here’s the real before picture: Yikes! That looks like the scary Grudge girl. [...]