I Do Things So You Don’t Have To

I want candy
I want bacon
I want . . . bleeeuuurggh

Every time I’m at Whole Foods, I see these enticingly packaged toy-sized candy bars. They are so wee. The brand is Vosges, and the label tells me they are “haute chocolate,” which is French for “pay out the ass.”
Intrigued by their size and the bizarre […]

Blue moon
Now I’m no longer alone

In a recent scientific survey, it was determined that no one likes healthy cereals. Huzzah! Now I can sing my “Ode to Lucky Charms” without fear of reprisal from crazed health nuts.
          Pink hearts: my heart beats for thee
          Yellow moons: your warm glow comforts me
          Green clovers: your greeness […]

Roll in the Benz with me, you could watch TV
From the backseat of my V, I’m a P-I-M-P 
(NSFW or my mom)

So you never truly believed that my I Do Things services extended to pimping, did you? Well, buster, when it involves food, you’d best believe I will pimp a snack upside the head if need be. […]

Boston Cream
Sprinkles
Gimme a dozen

I think we all can agree: Donuts—or doughnuts, if you’re a stickler—are the food of the gods. A handheld confection, sometimes cake, sometimes raised, sometimes frosted, sometimes glazed, sometimes stuffed with goo, sometimes filled with only a lonely hole, donuts are the total package.
A friend recently told me she’d eaten a donut and a […]

I am the champion, my friend,
And I’ll eat my BACON till the end

Yes, it’s true. After months and months of selflessly handing out fabulous prizes to thousands of deserving I Do Things readers, JD has finally, FINALLY won a fabulous prize of her own.
Thanks to Canucklehead and his brilliant contest (whereby a mere link to his […]

Don’t believe what you read
Do you believe what you read?
No, I don’t believe what I read

There are a lot of food myths and urban legends floating around out there. What to believe? Whom can you trust? By God, is anything safe to eat in these troubled times?
The answer is yes. But also no. For example:
I […]