I Do Things So You Don’t Have To

Tweet Remember my name So, there I was. Recuperating from a bout of projectile vomiting that had left me weak, dehydrated, and craving those flaming-hot Cheetos. Oh, wait. Hi, y’all! Yeah, I’ve been on a little break. A break of a year and a half. What, you don’t think I deserve some time off after [...]

Tweet Long stem roses are the key to your heart But he needs to start with your head That’s right, SUCKAHS! 50 years of awesomeness, wrapped up in one gorgeous package. You can look all you want, but no you may not touch. 50-year-old JD is fragile, y’all. 50-year-old JD is also somewhat bewildered as [...]

Tweet You’re poison runnin’ through my veins So I just discovered that there’s this thing called an “alarm” and it gets you out of bed! Oh, STOOPID JD, I can hear you yell. Everyone knows that an alarm clock will wake you up. Well, who’s stoopid now because it was NOT an alarm clock that [...]

Tweet Bend it like Bikram Picture it: You are in a room heated to 105 degrees with 40% humidity. Ahhh! Sounds like a pleasant sauna, right? Wrong. You cannot leave this room. Also? You will be forced to contort your body into unnatural poses as you struggle to grip slippery limbs and breathe through the [...]

Tweet Hot as a fever, rattling bones I could just taste it, taste it Recently, during a routine bacon conversation, a friend confessed the following: “I would love it if someone would sprinkle me with bacon salt. In fact, when I die, I want to be wrapped in bacon and laid out on a giant [...]

Tweet If you wanna feel groovy Give the doctor a call What qualifies ME to diagnose serious medical conditions? What qualifies YOU to ask that impertinent question? And now, if it’s quite all right with YOU, let’s allow Dr. JD to get back to her job of healing people. Please don’t be super sad. Bunions [...]