I Do Things So You Don’t Have To

Su-su-sushi don’t you cry Take you to the sushi bar and buy you some Fillet and claw Clam and tuna Gonna eat it raw So then there was that time I was covered in tar. The end. Oh, you want details. Well, you would. Listen, y’all can get covered in tar all by yourselves. You [...]

Better watch out for the skin tag 0 o o o o o o WEE-OOO WEE-OOO WEE-OOO WEE-OOO WEE-OOO WEE-OOO FIRST-EVER GUEST POST AT I DO THINGS! My policy on guest posts has always been a big selfish NO! because it’s my blog and get your own blog. But then this poor soul reached out [...]

There is no pain you are receding A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon The battle against chronic pain continues! And I WILL win. But not without a few casualties. Those casualties, unfortunately, will be me. Only in singular. Casualty. Last week my doctor sat at her computer with her handy book, What Pills HASN’T [...]

Always got a mouthful of such sweet things to say Chewy’s full of sugar and I love her that way This post was supposed to be about that mythical unicorn of the Sandwich World: The Candwich! It’s a sandwich . . . in a can! And I’m sorry to tell you that one of the [...]

Time After time I sit and I wayyyyyyy-t for your call It all started with some querulous old lady calling me and rambling on about a music festival and Dom Delmonico. Or, it was just my lovely mom, politely asking if I’d like to accompany her to a concert at Frontier Days, Arlington Heights’ Fourth [...]

Jump by your will or be taken by force I’ll get you either way Trying to keep the hellfire lit I am stalking you as prey Welcome! Professor JD here. You might already be familiar with my esteemed colleague Dr. JD, who helps troubled and diseased souls across the Internet with their medical issues. My [...]