Archive for June, 2010

I Smell Like a Power Surge

Tweet And all the pain Only after the rain Can you live again Have you tried buying unscented deodorant lately? Such a product has become increasingly hard to find, as the makers of personal hygiene products seem to think we all need to smell like scented carpet cleaners. Man, I would rather smell like my […]


I Am a Frightened Nerd

Tweet I don’t like spiders and snakes I have a bone to pick with two of my favorite bloggers. Oh, they know who they are. But YOU don’t, so sit right down and listen. Maureen, from I’d Rather Be Blogging recently had the audacity to proclaim herself a nerd while simultaneously posting a photo of […]


I Take it Orally

Tweet One pill makes you larger And one pill makes you small Something’s been bothering me lately and, not surprisingly, it has to do with butts. Butts. We all have one. Hopefully only one! Wait . . . nope! I knew it. There’s at least one poor guy out there with two. Anyway, for those […]


I Raise Animals from the Dead

Tweet The week ends the week begins It was a quiet, sultry day. All was as you would expect it to be on a broiling May afternoon in the Chicago suburbs. The ceiling fan pushed the feeble breeze throughout the house, while giant mutant ants invaded the kitchen, seeking refuge from the pitiless sun. As […]


I Went to College

Tweet I don’t remember, I don’t recall I got no memory of anything at all Yes! I went to college. I majored in . . . something. And I lived in a dorm and then . . . some other places, with some people . . . I know I had fun. I may have […]


Tweet Hot as a fever, rattling bones I could just taste it, taste it Recently, during a routine bacon conversation, a friend confessed the following: “I would love it if someone would sprinkle me with bacon salt. In fact, when I die, I want to be wrapped in bacon and laid out on a giant […]



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