I Do Things So You Don’t Have To

But you’re not really here It’s just the radio OK, let me ask you this: Where is our 2010 version of Karen Carpenter? You know, a female vocalist with a pure, clear, beautiful voice who just SINGS without all the frills and trills. (Oops. I just thought of someone, but if I tell you it’ll [...]

I walk and walk, do nothing OK, so . . . Do you ever get fabulous offers from marketing wizards who are simply dying to promote your site for absolutely nothing in return? YES? Good. Send ‘em over to me, would ya? Because I seem to attract a lot of dumbasses. Why, just this week, [...]

If you wanna feel groovy Give the doctor a call What qualifies ME to diagnose serious medical conditions? What qualifies YOU to ask that impertinent question? And now, if it’s quite all right with YOU, let’s allow Dr. JD to get back to her job of healing people. Please don’t be super sad. Bunions practically [...]

They’ve given you a number and taken away your name Let’s blame this one on lack of sleep, shall we? First off, I have an iPod Touch. Man, it’s awesome. I love it like a boyfriend, even tho that “Vibrate” function doesn’t work. Pity. What it DOES do is play music and . . . [...]

But every night all the men would come around And lay their money down Apparently homeless people are eating better than we thought. I recently ate at one of those places that serve you your breakfast in a skillet. Remember when skillet breakfasts didn’t exist? You just got your eggs and potatoes on a plate [...]

Um . . . Last night, while reading my favorite news publication, I found out that I’m supposed to be wearing a bra. This whole “bra” craze has totally passed me by. In fact, I’ve never been very preoccupied with my breastal area. I do vaguely recall being 16 and reading about a young woman [...]