I Do Things So You Don’t Have To

Tweet   My hair like Jesus wore it Hallelujah, I adore it Look, I didn’t get where I am today without a lot of on-the-fly thinking and improvisational wizardry. Who else but JD could come up with this dog poo scraper-off-er? That’s just pure genius AND it came right off the top of my head, yo. So [...]

Tweet I’m not a real doctor, But I am a real worm I’ll admit I’m fairly suggestible when it comes to other people’s illnesses. If someone has a cold, I start to sniffle. If someone suffers from gout, my foot throbs. If someone has erectile dysfunction, I have phantom penis pain. If someone has a [...]

Tweet One week he’s in polka-dots The next week he’s in stripes Photo courtesy of maki No, sillies, I don’t fantasize like that. Tim Gunn is old enough to be my . . . well, geez, he’s only 54. I guess he’s not old enough to be my dad. BUT! He’s gay enough to be [...]

Tweet Who else likes David Letterman? Who else watched his show a lot in the 1980s, during the Larry “Bud” Melman and Stupid Pet Tricks heyday? Who else thought it might be fun to try to get on the show? Who else wrote him a letter and sent a series of dumbass photos to achieve [...]

Tweet You look like you can handle what’s under my hood “That was fast. Did you fly here?” This is the comment that greets me every single time I walk into our auto mechanic’s shop, despite the fact that Eric, our “car guy,” knows full well that I live right around the corner. But we [...]

Tweet Are you sleeping? Still dreaming, Still drifting off Hey, dude, I’m trying to sleep! The whole point of weekends is to sleep late, right? But I can’t force myself to sleep later than I do on weekdays. Perhaps that’s because I get up whenever I want during the week. Yeah, suckers, that’s right. I [...]