Archive for September, 2008
And the flesh you so fancifully fry
Is not succulent, tasty, or kind
Isn’t it time you took your appetite on a romantic protein getaway?
No? Well, maybe you and your appetite are having relationship problems. It happens. But the Beef Industry wants you and your appetite to get it on, protein-style, with a little help from the [...]
69 Comments
Hey, what’s that sound, spin around
Who dat?
Normal person’s prayer:
Dear ____: Please keep me and my loved ones safe, healthy, and happy. Please end all the wars and natural disasters and bring peace to the land.
JD’s prayer:
Dear ____: Please keep me and my loved ones safe, healthy, and happy. Please end all the wars and natural [...]
47 Comments
I can feel it coming the beginning of the twist
JUDGE NOT, ye readers!
Judge not the sensible plaid skirt and possibly-velvet blazer. Judge not the ruffled—RUFFLED—collar. Judge not the stickpin!
And please, I beg you, judge not the “Mom” perm.
It’s me, JD, at six-freaking-teen. So why do I look like a matronly lady at an office Christmas [...]
67 Comments
Please, don’t wake me, no, don’t shake me
Driving to Starbuck’s while you’re still asleep is a bad idea for several reasons.
But who can think reasonably when you’re asleep?
Oh, don’t worry. I survived the trip, and I’m pretty sure everyone else on the road did too.
(Sidenote: I don’t like the taste of Starbuck’s coffee, but I [...]
52 Comments
Make it so much better
It is better better
Hey, y’all.
Do you know what’s better than a chocolate chip cookie?
“NOTHING!” you rudely interrupt.
Well, I’ve got news for you. I just made your precious chocolate chip cookie even better. You think I’m lying? I would never lie to you. Especially when it comes to cookies.
Below, I outline the [...]
59 Comments
Leaving the note that she hoped would say more
“Honey, I don’t want to scare you . . . ”
I clutched my triple venti vanilla latte and held my breath. What was Dave about to tell me? I had made the mistake of watching Kairo the night before—the original Japanese version of the horror movie [...]
57 Comments
