I Do Things So You Don’t Have To

Whatchya doin’ on your back?
You should be dancing

No, no, that’s not me in that picture. I’m tanner. Plus, my spine is a lot curvier. Which, when it comes to spines, is not desirable.
As a kid, I had bad posture. “Stand up straight!” still rings in my ears, and if anyone says it to me today, […]

I like to live like I’m in a cartoon
Yes, I’m chasing you all around the room

I have a crush on a cartoon.
But it’s not some dumb Looney Tunes character. It’s one of those crazy Charles Schwab commercials. They took what must’ve once been a real guy and then cartoonized him. He looks cute! Why can’t […]

Could you take my picture
‘Cause I won’t remember

How often have you said to yourself, If only pictures could talk. Never? Well, pretend you said it. What would pictures say about you? More importantly, what would pictures say about me?
For today and today only, I will open up my home to the roving eye of the […]

(Deafening roar of cheering crowds followed by stunned, awed silence)
The Vocabulary Skillzzz Contest(s) is/are over, and we have our winners!
From the original contest
Kathy from The Junk Drawer:
The people who can’t understand JD’s invidious tendencies toward bananas and pickles are the same ones who are puzzled why similarly-shapen hot dogs make the grade.
JD would have […]

Whee!
It’s Judgment Day for all of you who entered my revised Vocabulary Skillzzz contest. As you may recall, the original contest featured words that were probably too obscure to be fun, yet! There were two worthy entrants and therefore, two winners.
I revised the contest to include the much more familiar words Vicodin, underpants, and nude, and […]

Don’t believe what you read
Do you believe what you read?
No, I don’t believe what I read

There are a lot of food myths and urban legends floating around out there. What to believe? Whom can you trust? By God, is anything safe to eat in these troubled times?
The answer is yes. But also no. For example:
I […]