I Do Things So You Don’t Have To

Now look at them yo-yo’s, that’s the way you do it
You play the guitar on the MTV *    *

“Does this hair make my nose look big?”

*        *        *
I believe the word “freakish” was recently used to describe the above photo, so, of course, I rushed to publish it for the world to see.
That’s me, […]

When people before could take it no more
They’d create a big friend like Gigantor *

WARNING! This post will not induce dizziness, motion sickness, or nausea. Unless reading about vomiting makes you feel sick. Then you’d best be on your merry way.
If you enjoy reading about vomiting but don’t want to be spoiled by a few […]

I wanna be your underwear * 

All this talk lately of porn and underpants has naturally turned my thoughts toward my favorite actor, David Strathairn.
You may know him from his Oscar-nominated role as Edward R. Murrow in Good Night, and Good Luck, or perhaps as the evil child molester (SPOILER!) in Dolores Claiborne. Or maybe you go way […]

And the ones that mother gives you
Don’t do anything at all *

Oh, not those kinds of drugs, you big ninnies! At least, not anymore (that’s a whole ‘nother post). No, I’m talking about strictly legal but nevertheless potent and delicious drugs—the kind your doctor (if your doctor is a drug pusher, like mine) is more than […]

Noise Noise Noise
At 7 am on a brand new day *
Yes. I have been ever so slightly distracted lately. Perhaps because they’re filming Journey to the Center of the Earth next door.

Click here for annoying video.
Be sure to turn up the volume so you can get the full “you are there” experience. I don’t […]

The world outside is so big
But it’s safe in my domain
Because to you
I’m just a number
And a clever screen name *

Alcoholics have their booze, smokers have their cigarettes, crackheads have their . . . crack. As an editor, trivia buff, curious human, and language snob with a constant need to prove people wrong, I […]